Posts from July 2014

Kelly Osbourne & Wig @ Clive Davis’ Pre-Grammy Party

 in the middle of the afternoon by 13

Clive Davis Movie

Armpit sweat is so sexy!

Dude, what the fuck?

I’ve posted this a few places, so let’s see what kind of responses come in. I wanna know what state of mind she’s in when deciding out what she’s gonna wear to these events…

Gross comments about her by kind people:

She does really look a lot like her old man in that pic…. really back in his Sabbath days. Just give him lipstick and they would be twins!

Holy christ!!! anybody got any vicodin?

The Osbourne kids are two of the most fucked up kids in the world. Two rich, stupid and useless fat kids. What a goal to acheive. I predict overdose deaths for at least one of them.

Some guy thinks she looks like this guy.

Pull On Pamela Anderson & Win!

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 1

I thought she was reading the Bible & being good?! So much for that…

Having your own slot machine is very hot right now! Don’t be shocked to see a line of Paris Hilton slots the next time you enter the Palms. Think about the bragging rights you could have w/ one of those babies!

Apart from being cool, a slot machine themed after oneself offers plenty of residual income. Drew Carey was on the Howard Stern show back in October, 2004 & talked about his own slot machine that was coming out.

Gary told Howard about the new slot machine Drew has coming out. Howard heard that those things are a big money maker. Gary told Howard how the Wheel of Fortune slots are huge and they’re so big now that they won’t sell them, they lease them out and the company, IGT, gets three percent of the revenue. Drew has his own machine now and he’ll be getting some money from that. He doesn’t get the 3 percent but he does get some money from it. Drew said there’s about a million a year to be made if he did something like that. [Marksfriggin']

The fact that Pam now has her own slot machine proves to the masses that her transition into has been status is nearly complete. She’s literally cashing in from every imaginable outlet, except maybe the hardcore porn industry—I’d give this another couple years.

Grammys 2005: The Bastardly Preditions

 after a late four martini lunch by 9

If you were to place bets on the winners, don’t pick the following b/c I suck ass at gambling! In all my travels to Vegas, I have yet to come up. It sucks ass, I tell you!

Record of the Year
1. “Let’s Get It Started,” The Black Eyed Peas
2. “Here We Go Again,” Ray Charles and Norah Jones
3. “American Idiot,” Green Day
4. “Heaven,” Los Lonely Boys
5. “Yeah!” Usher featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris
Bastardly Analysis:
 Usher would win just because he’s hot right now & everyone digs him, but w/ Ray Charles’ unfortunate passing, I think, this year, the committee will weigh more toward pity than talent—not that Ray Charles isn’t the man or anything.

View All Photos ›

Bai Ling Attacks The Berlin Film Fest

 early in the evening, before sex by 9


Here’s Bai Ling doing her Chinese-Man-Howl.

If you guys flip to the next page, you can see her entire outfit. I don’t know if Bai’s pullin’ some sheisty Chinese shit by stealing costumes off the Star Wars set or whether her personal designer’s currently on crack. Bai, I love that butterfly on your left boobie.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’d take Bai Ling over Kelly Osbourne (see last post). Although that’s not saying much. I still think she looks like either a Klingon straight out of the ghettos of Star Trek (the Next Generation) or an undiscovered animal.

It’ll hit me one of these days…

View All Photos ›

Kelly & Sharon Osbourne @ The Brit Awards

 after a late four martini lunch by 8

Kelly Brit Awards

As I’ve said in the past Kelly Osbourne is a cool chick, but cool chicks can have major issues too.

If you check out the hi-res photo, you can see that Kelly has about 15-20lbs of foundation painted on her face. I’ve noticed a lot of chicks & women follow the same path these days. It may conceal pimples & make her look 10 shades lighter, but that’s only when people are checking her out from waaaaaay across the room? The quantity of foundation & not to mention, her funny-ass haircut makes having a normal conversation with Kelly next to impossible. Then again, her daddy made big bucks being mysterious & fucked-up, so why not continue the tradition, right? As we all know, dad was always shooting something into his veins, so that naturally calls Kelly’s drug use into question…

Is she really off the pills? Or possibly she has moved on to Meth or something harder? We all know how meth can fuck you up, right?

View All Photos ›

Michael Jackson A Kidnapper AND Molester??!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 0


The bitches are at it again.

Fox news reports of a horrible kidnapping incident in which the God-awful Michael Jackson held a mother & her 3 kids hostage. Here’s how the kidnapping went…

On the afternoon of March 1, for example, the day consisted of a meal at 4 p.m. at Johnny Rockets ($33), followed by a 5:14 p.m. stop at Anchor Blue to buy knit tops (two for $24).

Later, a 5:55 p.m. snack stop at the Topanga Canyon Mall (coffee, water, Snapple) was followed by a 6:40 p.m. appearance at Baskin-Robbins ($9).

And at 7 p.m., the mother and her kids took in the movie “Old School” at the theater across from the hotel, racking up $32 in concessions. They topped the night off with another visit to Johnny Rockets ($26).

Jackson�s lawyers will try to portray him as trying to relocate the family to be rid of them, paying through the nose all the way. How else to explain a $415 charge at Banana Republic on Feb. 26, the same day the mother also spent $454 on Jockey underwear and $450 at the Jeans Outlet?

On that night, the family also managed to dine for $175 at the Black Angus Restaurant in Woodland Hills before they were “forced” in a “conspiracy” to return to their plush digs. [Fox News]

Mother fuckers! I hope the justice system can see that these bastard-accusers are greedy whores who got a taste of the good life & want more! Michael needs to lay low the rest of his life after he gets loose from this latest debacle. He needs to spend a couple mil punishing these bastards and putting them behind jail. Sue them & strip them of all their possessions—then they�ll understand.

Jillian Grace: Photos Leaked!

  by 9

Jillian Grace!

Jillian Grace is Playboy’s March Playmate of the Month.

She’s pretty much the most popular thing on the net since One Night In Paris. Her entire layout was unfortunately leaked last night on those imfamous newsgroups & since then, there has been a flurry of searches by horny people all around the world! It’s kinda like a horny man’s Easter egg hunt. We wish them luck in their (scandalous) Internet travels.

Since we cater to 9-year old Vietnamese gangstas & 12-year old teenyboppers it is our policy to not post straight up porn*. For that reason, I’m posting up other sections of the layout.

*Please note: Wardrobe malfunctions don’t classify as porn—especially Tara Reid’s 10-minute, deformed nipple show!

View All Photos ›

The New Stripping Exercise Industry

 in the weewizzle hours by 6

Carmen Strip

Damn Prince, Rodman, Tommy Lee (probably had her), Dave Navarro, etc, etc, etc.

So which one will it be? Carmen’s Aerobic Striptease or Sheila Kelley’s S Factor?

I don’t know who was ripped off, but we’re glad there’s a lot of ripping off going on in this budding new industry that involves teaching normal, everyday women the sacred art of stripping!

The top three women who should seriously consider doing a video:

1. Jessica Alba
2. Britney Spears (so I can laugh my ass off)
3. Jackie Guerrido (for her Spanish accent…I swear!)

For all you guys looking to buy your wifie, girlfriend, or yourself Carmen’s video, we suggest you break out the pass card on this one. We highly recommend enrolling your significant other in Sheila’s 8-week program. She has a tremendous amount of experience & can even send instructors to your house! Carmen, it seems, is merely cashing in on this opportunity—we don’t blame her, of course!

Then again, after you look at the following screen caps off Carmen’s DVD, you’ll probably rush out and buy one. BUT, before you check em out, I just want to say that the long line of men who’ve had the pleasure of spending time in bed w/ Carmen’s sexay bod are truly lucky bastards. Damn them all to hell. Ok, I’m finished bitching.

View All Photos ›
« First...45678910...Last »