Posts from September 2014

Kurt Cobain Proves That Love Is Blind

 in the weewizzle hours by 6

I gotta admit, the guy had a cool way of getting his point across…

Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating, persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen. yet theres something to be said about the ability to explain oneself with a toned down tune deaf tone. And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. how I metamorphosised from hyperactive to cement is for lack of a better knife to the throat uh, annoying, aggravating, confusing as dense as cement. Cement holds no other minerals. you can�t even find fools gold in it. its strictly man made and you�ve taught me it�s ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral.

Love Kurt

Cameron Diaz Downgrades to Canon Digicam

 after a late four martini lunch by 4

Cameron Diaz

I don’t blame her. It’s easier to carry, probably gives better battery life & it’s downright stylish!

Anyway, Cammy’s video collection must be huge now, though. I’m currently split between a possible documentary or she has a wild fetish. What I mean is that she might like to get herself riled up before proceeding with angry-western-sex with JT (poor guy). I can just see her clawing, biting & punching the hell out of the guy.

For JT’s sake, let’s hope these sessions aren’t being taped.

A Bastardly Prediction: I definitely think these two will outlast the pope, but I can’t see them going past Thanksgiving—maybe even sooner if another hottie enters the scene.

View All Photos ›

K. Federline FedEx’ing Valentine’s Day Cards

 late in the evening by 2

New FedEx slogan for poor hobos who’ve married extremely rich popstars:

“Why pay 37 cents & wait 3 days for delivery when your wife’s picking up the tab?!”

Exactly. I’d always send Next Day Priority, so that my mail gets to my love ones before they even wake up in the morning! It’s the only way, baby.

Poor Rodman & The Madness Behind PETA

 late in the evening by 9

We all know the people @ PETA are fucking crazy, but unfortunately they also have lots of dough they can throw away in these useless ads that appear to be more shocking than anything else. If I wore leather jackets & mink coats, I would not take let an ad change my consumption patterns—espcially from a guy who used to trance around L.A. wearing only furs. Bastardly born-agains. Don’t you hate them?

So, what’s really going down with Rodman these days? Well the fact of the matter is quite simple. Dennis is strapped for cash. Was it a real surprise that he was in a Silestone (upscale home furnishings) ad during the Super Bowl? Now he has joined Pam Anderson & other hasbeens in bottomfeeding for income from subpar ads. Actually, does PETA even pay?! I think Rodman just wants to get his face out there again & let corporate America know he’s open for biz again.

Oh yeah, who’s he sleeping with these days? Whoever it may be, she’s (or he’s?) probably nowhere close to Carmen Elektra in hotness level.

Big Gay Al & Star Jones @ SAG, 2005

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 14

2 points of concern:
1. Did Star Jones lose 150 pounds following her wedding? I can only conclude one thing: she’s been chasing Al Reynolds around the house b/c she desperately wants sex & he’s merely running for his life. Keep it down & keep runnin’ Al! Just a few more months & she’ll be ripe!
2. Rumor has it that Al Reynolds wore sunglasses to the event b/c he had a heavily bruised right eye. Bloody Star Jones has been beating the poor bastard. Hang in there Al. Meet the 2-year clause of the prenup! You can do it!

One last thing. I still can’t believe E! replaced Joan Rivers & her daughter w/ Star to do their fashion critiquing @ various award shows! So what if they got a 2 for 1 deal?! And, who gives a shit if Joan rivers is 200-years old and makes fun of everything that moves? People love that about her! Throw Star back in the exercise room & get Joan back!

A Small Prayer For Paris’ Chiuaua

 late in the evening by 0

I can’t believe the little bugger has custom fitted outfits.

I would feel sorry for the bastard, but I think he’s enjoying living it up. Gourmet dog food, comfortable doggie mattress, soft Paris boobies, & private jets! What more could a 2lb excuse-for-a-dog ask for?!

Amy Cobb Likes To Surf Naked

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 28

You can find Amy in this month’s Maxim. I have to admit, there’s something about girls who surf that’s just sexy. I’m serious. I wouldn’t mind an average looking chick who surfs than a super hot chick who does nothing. Ok-ok, I said that only for effect.

In the issue, Maxim quotes her saying:

I’ve surfed topless. It’s funny…I can feel my boobs moving around. -[Amy Cobb. Maxim, Feb, 2005]

How lame is that? I think Maxim feeds their chicks extra bucks to get them to spill absolute bs, although I wouldn’t mind seeing scandalous photos of Amy surfing naked in the wee hours of the night. Come to think of it, I also wouldn’t mind rescuing Amy & giving her CPR after one of her nude surfing escapades gone wrong. Have mercy.

For those of you who aren’t in the click w/ this Amy Cobb chick, you should visit this message board & scroll all the way down. There, you’ll see flowery words written on this hottie. It’s either her ugly, younger sister, her backstabbing best friend (don’t you love them?) or possibly her ex-boyfriend who hates himself for being a bastard to Amy. For all you lazy people, I’ll paste below:

amy cobb is a dumb selfish bitch that thinks the world should revolve around her

she totally loves herself i hope she gets smashed in the surf -Angry Person

View All Photos ›

Jackie Chan Promotes Human Cloning With Son!

 early in the evening, before sex by 7

First of all, I never knew Jackie was (a) married & (b) had bloody kids?! It must be because I’m not Chinese or something.

And secondly, who would have thought that Jackie’s son would be an exact copy of the real deal?! I’m gonna get slammed for this, but through my travels I’ve noticed this to be especially true among the Asians. I know genes are handed down and blah-blah-blah, but you always gotta be skeptical of them Chinese. For all we know, they might already be in the latter stages of secretly cloning their 2million man army while the Americans are busy killing suicide bombers (is that redundant?).

« First...567891011