Posts from September 2014

Guess Or Die! When Will The Pope Die?!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 15

Since we live in a superficial & cruel world, Byron Crawford, a hilariously witty brotha, is taking guesses as to when the Pope will fly up to heaven. We here at the Bastardly love the Pope, but every man’s gotta go, right? Since this is the Pope, there’s no reason why he can’t go in style. For a shot @ the big prize (a smooth bottle of J. Roget champagne), I’ve made my guess (June 29). Since I suck @ gambling, stay a couple months away from that date.

Here’s a snip of Byron’s post:

So I think it’s pretty safe to say that there’s no way in hell that Pope JP2 will escape the Year of Our Lord 2005 still breathing. The real question is when exactly that feeble, wimpering heart of his will finally give out. To mark the occasion I’ll be sponsoring a contest where you, the reader, get to predict on which day this unfortunate incident will occur. [Byron Crawford]

Then & Now: Paris & Nicky Hilton

 late in the evening by 64

The photo on the bottom was taken today as our socialite bitches were leaving the Luca Luca, Fall 2005 fashion show in NYC.

Oh my! Time has definitely been very kind to Nicky Hilton. She grew eye lashes, died her hair, & got a tan!

Seriously, what a difference a few bucks can make. Nicky should thank the hotel industry for giving her a second chance in the looks department.

Paris Not Too Hot On SNL

 after a late four martini lunch by 19


With chihuahua in hand…

I’ve seen snips of the what I TIVO’d, but from what I saw it appears Paris was too busy striking poses. It didn’t live up to the Weekend Update she did with Jimmy Fallon last year. That was some hilarious shit, I must admit, but that was mostly b/c of Jimmy Fallon, who has since quit the show.

Here are some pics of Paris from last night’s show posing for her 13-year old fan base who, God forbid, all want to follow her slutty path to fame. I guess if you’re manwhore or a chump, that’s not such a bad thing.

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A Confused Lindsay Lohan

 in the weewizzle hours by 16

Lindsay Lohan Confused

This photo is of Lindsay in her youth (17)—presumably before her body was put to the test of 30-year old penises & silicone implants—so bear with me!

We posted the photo above on a message board & waited to get some responses from some clueless guys as to what article of clothing Lindsay Lohan’s stretching in freckley hands. Here’s what they came up with…

I don’t know but whatever the hell it is i’d love to tear it off her with my teeth

it looks like a bra to me

It looks like underwear…

Looks like a tank top kinda shirt to me.

It’s a camisole, you Neanderthals…

Body Double: Helen Hunt & Leelee Sobieski

 after a late four martini lunch by 19

Not bad, huh? Come to think of it, there might also be a little of Celine Dion in this chick, as well.

Leelee has a little more poundage on the face than Helen Hunt, but other than that, their lips, noses & chins contribute the body double. I posted a pic of Leelee on some board & many shots were fired at the poor girl. Here are a few kind words people had to say:

If she was hot I’d try and look past the man-voice nut-job stuff, but she’s plain at best. -Fat Freoli

Shes hot but probably the stupidest person I’ve ever heard in my life. -RollinB41276

I think Leelee has the potential to be a hottie, because I think she has the body for it. But the problem is when she opens her mouth. She’d probably bore you to death, before you’d get to fuck her. Every time I see her in an interview, she’s always telling some uninteresting story, reading a poem or trying to sound like she’s overly intelligent. -dunstdeal

There’s so much love on the Internet these days.

The Genius Behind Kevin Federline

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 1

Wow. Let’s just say that K. Feds is doing pretty well being a fucking dancer!

The Almighty, Mr. Mel Gibson, lives in the same neighborhood. If I were Britney I would throw super loud parties to wake that bastard up every night of the week.

More Jackie Guerrido Yumminessss!!!!!!!

 after a late four martini lunch by 14

We love Jackie and damnitt it’s so hard to find pics of her that aren’t just screen caps of her doing the weather….which by no means is bad. But after digging more through the Univision website in which I can’t read a word I came across more pics of Jackie and her Hispanic Hawtness…. so yummay!!!!

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Christina’s Marilyn Monroe Transformation Complete

 way too early in the morning by 5

I’m sure you guys have seen a lot of Christina Aguilera’s latest phase. Eventhough her boobs are much larger than in her previous phases, I have to admit, the Marilyn Monroe thing is gettin’ kinda scary.

She went from the innocent, little Genie In a Bottle-girl to making out with Madonna to the 21st century, big-boobied Marilyn Monroe-clone.

What next, C?

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