Monthly Archives: March 2005

eBay: Terri Schiavo Memorabilias!

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Terri Schiavo

Trading cards on crusty playing cards. [Buy it now on eBay.]

Some dude (Blade Jones) on Stern Fan Network writes…

I will be offering Terri Schiavo memorabilia:

1. $4.95 The Terri Schiavo feeding tube (perfect for sipping your favorite soda).
2. $19.95 – The Terri Schiavo hospice pillow (for a great night of sleep or just an afternoon nap)
3. $24.95 – Terri Schiavo Handcuffs (perfect for arresting protesters who get up in your peace)
4. $9.95 – Official Florida Court appeals document – (blank and ready to be filled out for fast filing)
5. $14.95 – Terri Schiavo Happy Songs CD – 24 tracks of easy listening music – each track is actually silent, but Terri wouldn’t have known the difference because she was brain dead.

If you laughed, you should be ashamed.

Terri Schiavo is gone. After 14 days of straight-up starvation, people will mourn her death probably until Monday or Tuesday. The delay accounts for the strong sermons on Sunday in churches all across the country that will plead with God to allow Terri into heaven. God bless her.

Now, let’s take care of some business. When you go to eBay & type in Terri’s full name, you get around 20 results. I’m sure that by the weekend, that number will inch up to at least 50, so in order to capture the capitalistic spirit of our great nation, check out some items you can buy in memory of Terri.

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The Pope’s Sick Days, Teri Schiavo, & Johnnie Cochran

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Those 3 beautiful people are either dead, clinically dead or about to die.

So that brings up the bastardly question: Is the Pope out of sick days & vacation days?

Dude, that guy didn’t attend the Easter functions, has already missed out on a lot of weekly prayers & he’s simply not providing his people the services they deserve. Is the job just damn easy or is it, God forbid, unnecessary?! After all those sick days, the pope still has his love-pad that has suddenly morphed into a fucking hospital room & odds are pretty good that his Popespital is probably far-far better than hospitals you’ll find in Africa or Iraq.

If that’s not enough, the guy comes out and makes a hypocritical declaration after he gets ‘tubed‘.

Pope John Paul II has stunned Catholic health care providers, ethicists and theologians by announcing emphatically that it is “morally obligatory” to continue artificial feeding and hydration for people in a persistent vegetative state, even if they remain so for years. [USA Today]

I could agree with this statement if there was a chance of the guy getting back on his feet, but let’s admit it, the Pope’s time has come. If he’s so damn close to God, then why is he insinuating fear of calling it quits in this world & taking a trip to the brighter side?

Come clean, Mr. Pope! Come clean.

Bastardly Matchup: Vida Guerra vs. Lindsay Lohan

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(so hot in a baseball cap)

Okay, as much as I love my barely legal babes….c’mon now…Barely Legal Lindsay Lohan sexier than Vida Guerra??!!? How can you put Ms. Lohan w/ her one million gazillion fafillion freckles at no. 10 higher than Ms. Guerra? I figure the audience is captivated by seeing Ms. Lohan in a bikini that for this matchup we’d put these 2 chicks against each other in a bikini competition…that should be a true determinant of who is sexier.

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5th Season of "The Surreal Life"

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(Canseco not in the picture…sad!)

DUDE!!!!….JOSE CANSECO and OMAROSA!!!!!

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

We’ll probably be talking more about this once the show actually starts airing in September.

….oh, and the rest of the cast…“America’s Next Top Model” judge Janice Dickinson, Sandi “Pepa” Denton of Salt-N-Pepa, Bronson Pinchot, aka Balki “Don’t Be Ridiculous” Bartokomous, from “Perfect Strangers,” British model Caprice, and motorcrosser Carey “I actually dated Pink!?!?!” Hart.

Spiderman 2 – What The Hell?

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One of the first movies that Blockbuster sent me was Spiderman 2. I have Garden State & Collateral awaiting my lazy ass. I’m trying ot watch as many flicks as I can before my subscription runs out at the end of April. (Yes, I lead a sad-sad life.)

My review will be short. Spiderman 2 is super overrated. Then again, I loved Soul Plane, so you be the judge. If you haven’t seen it, don’t waste your time. The only way I’d watch it again would be if I was on some super long road trip in a car with no windows, food, radio, cd player, etc etc. Ok-ok, I’m exaggerating. It wasn’t that bad!

Ok, with that in hand, let’s analyze Spiderman’s sexuality. It’s highly possible the guy is gay. Sure he wins the girl’s heart by the end, but that’s just a superhero front. I don’t blame the guy for giving that trollwhore (Kirsten Dunst) the hand through the entire movie, but why wasn’t he sleeping w/ that chick in his apartment building on side? Dude, I don’t know about you guys, but that chick was cute—or maybe she just dressed super scandalously so horny guys would go watch the movie? Regardless, sexual relations w/ that chick wouldn’t really qualify as cheating in my book. Afterall, the rent needs to get paid, right? Right!

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