Posts from July 2014

Paris Hilton: The Modern Slut In Love

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 16

Paris Hilton: The Modern Slut

So, you wanna be a slut, huh? Well, you better be ready to spend a little money at the get-go, but no worries, once you’re rollin’ in your slut-mobile, the tab will be covered by your various love interests.

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Bastardly Matchup: Grace Park vs. Grace Park

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So if you google search Grace Park you’re going to come across these 2 Grace Parks: the LPGA Pro and the ultra-sexy actress from Battlestar Galactica. So I thought we’d have some fun here and put them head’s up in a battle to see who’s the mo’ better Grace Park.

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FHM’s F’d-Up 100 Sexiest Women List (2005)

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 102

Surprise, surprise. Angelina won. Again. I’m sure she gives a shit.

Look at all the other women, man. It’s truly sad how FHM just bullshits the rest of the list by tracking headline toppers. For example, how is Jennifer Garner the 2nd sexiest woman in the world?! Dude, she shouldn’t even be considered for this honor b/c she looks like a bloody transvestite! Bump her ass. Halle Berry is old news. Charlize, ditto. Lindsay Lohan is a freckled-out Hollywood whore. I’ll stop there.

FHM should retract this list and try again.

1. Angelina Jolie - Damn right!
2. Jennifer Garner - Man
3. Paris Hilton - Whore
4. Charlize Theron - Blah
5. Halle Berry - Blah
6. Alyssa Milano
7. Teri Hatcher - Milf
8. Pamela Anderson - Milf
9. Scarlett Johansson - Semi-hot
10. Lindsay Lohan - Whore

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Anna Nicole Smith Sends Her Easter Regards

 in the weewizzle hours by 5

PHOTO REMOVAL REQUEST BY COPYRIGHT OWNER. SORRY ANNA FANS! ANNA SENDS HER KIND REGARDS, THOUGH

I swear Anna Nicole takes these in her own backyard and gets one of her goons to upload the photos to some popular message board. Pretty shrewd marketing, indeed.

To all you sick bastards who want to see more of her exclusive Easter layout, see below. Grab your extra-large yack-bag just in case you get a little queasy…

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Porn Star Paris A Teen Role Model

 late in the evening by 5

I love doing makeovers. I’ve been doing this with my sister and all of our friends for years, so I thought it would be really fun, and I was excited to meet the girls and dress them up. [The Insider Online]

Don’t you just wanna get your kids style critiqued by Paris Hilton? An upcoming issue of ELLEgirl will have Paris fixing up 3 teenie boppers. The whored out souls include 18-year-old Helen Exposito, 15-year-old Kate Webster, 16-year-old Sophia Reale & last but not least, 18-year-old Stephanie Vu. Yes, a bloody Asian chick?! Wow. Must be 2nd or 3rd generation.

Crazy shit, I tell you.

So yeah, a note to guys who’ve been waiting all their lives to get into the above mentioned girls’ pants: This is your chance, my brothas! These girls have not only been schooled in the art of whore-attire, but also the art of strategically whoring their bods, as well. If you have money & if any of these chicks are hot, pounce away, baby!

Steve Carell Rocks The Office!

 in the middle of the afternoon by 12

The Office

Steve Carell: I am 2/15ths Native Indian.
Native Indian Dude: That fraction doesn’t make sense. [Episode 2, The Office]

NBC’s new show, The Office, is quite possibly one of the funniest shows on television apart from those hilarious Dave Chapelle reruns & of course, we can’t forget the gross, yet funny, jiggling of Star Jones’ back-blubber while’s she’s busy critiquing superficial beauty. It’s safe to say that Steve Carell got a major-major break w/ this show. We wish him the best of luck!

From what I’ve heard this version of the show is an Americanized replica of the original English version on BBC America. I guess what works w/ the Brits *sometimes* works w/ the Yanks—only sometimes, mind you!

If you didn’t catch the first show this past Thursday, head on over to this site on MySpace & catch the next episode based on diversity in the workplace. Oh my God. You will be on the ground laughing once Steve breaks out his Chris Rock immitation.

Here are some pics of peeps from the show…

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Hot Tamale of the Day: Celines Toribio

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I saw her on one episode of Despierta America and had to find out more about her. Well, there’s not much to say besides she’s hot. Apparently she is the host of Sabor a Baseball for Fox Sports en Espanol and Coco y Celines on Latino Mix FM 105.9. I think I somehow need to be subscribed to Fox Sports en Espanol.

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