Monthly Archives: April 2005

No! Can't be! Yup, Elijah Wood Is Gay!

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An overprotective fan (a.k.a. Elijah4life*) writes:

OHHH, I HATE YOU PEOPLE!! ELIJAH IS NOT GAY, HE IS MY AWESOME AND COOL AND SEXY AND LOVES WOMEN AND BREASTS AND EVERYTHING THAT MAKES A WOMEN SEXY!!!! I WOULD BET MY OWN SET OF TITS ON IT YOU BASTARD ASSWIPERS BUNCH OF HALF COCKED @#%$ FARTS. I AM TELLING EVERYONE I KNOW ABOUT THIS SITE, I AM CALLING YOU WEB SERVICE. YOU ARE UNAMERICAN TERRORISTS! YOU CAN’T NOT TAKE ELIJAH AWAY FROM ME! I HATE YOU ALL, I HATE YOU FOR TRYING TO STEAL MY DREAMS AND AMBITIONS. HOW DARE YOU DO THAT YOU BUNCH OF BASTARDS MOTHER FUCKERS. OHH MY GOD I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW, I AM ABOUT TO THROW MY MUG ACROSS THE ROOM. I CAN’T TAKE IT, IT IS DRIVING ME NUTS.. HOW CAN YOU BE THIS TERRIBLE, HEARTLES, AWEFUL… THERE ARE MANY WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN WITH HIM AND LOVED IT. HE IS A GREAT LOVER TO * * * * W O M E N * * * * NOT MEN. HE DOES NOT LIKE @#%$ OR PENIS. PLEASE STOP THIS WEBSITE. I AM GOING TO WRITE HIM AN EMAIL RIGHT NOW AND CALL HIS AGENT. I WILL TELL EVERYONE — INCLUDING THE POLICE AND THE FBI ABOUT THIS SITE. IT IS TOTALLY ILLEGAL. TOTALLY ROYALLY @#%$. OHH MY GOD THIS SUCKS TO BAD. TAKE THIS @#%$ DOWN NOW NOWN NOW NOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOWNOW NOWN NOW NOW NOW NOW, TAKE IT DOWN! [Very Very Gay Forums]

Yup! He’s gay— which is completely alright, of course. Unlike Mr. Tom Cruise, who’s still holdin’ out, mind you, Elijah should come out early in his career. Elijah, we’re in the 2000s, baby. Being gay is cool in many cities across the country. Plus, if you think you’re gonna land a bigger role than Lord of the Rings, you’re crazy.

This comes from a Very, Very Gay website via The D-List.

*This is either the real Elijah Wood or some seriously crazy person in need of medical attention.

Eva Mendes - Hates Spiders. Loves To Drive Men Craaaayzee.

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I know a lot of you people were hating on Eva the last time we showed off her hottness, so we’ll try again.

Also, since we follow the career of another Eva (the Longoria version), check out this competition between on the two Evas conducted by The Fly Hive.

Those of you horny bastards lookin’ for Eva, make sure you watch her on the big screen. Hitch, also starring Will Smith, is about to break the $300mil mark, so you can bet your ass that we’ll be seeing more of this bombshell. I’m waiting for the DVD.

Now, let’s cut the bullshit & get to the photos!

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Bush Sisters Give Bin Laden Another Reason To Hate Us

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In April’s Maxim, Jenna & Barbara Bush take time away from their partying to strike a nice pose. They’re already known for sleeping around w/ rich fratboys, getting wasted, doing lines at random college parties off of penises, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise.

Ok, that’s enough for the rumor mill, so I’ll let you horny bastards look at the entire photo.

God have mercy on America.

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FREE Bastardly T?

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Please please listen to my interenet radio show tonight at 9pm Pacific Standard time!!! This picture is my kiss to all who have been supporting The Heterogeneous Mezzanine on Sidewok Radio.

The Hetergeneous Mezzanine

I’m gonna get a little contest going tonight and give a free Bastardly T to the person who wins!!!! So listen DAMMIT!!!!

Sorry about the wrong screen name last week … it will for sure be sidewokradio on aim.

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Say It Ain't So, Shawn!!!!

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Shawn Kemp was my favorite player…well, up until he got really fat w/ the Cavs and couldn’t do the cool dunks anymore. He should’ve won a few All Star Weekend slam dunk competitions! Anyways, how the mighty have fallen…if he’s still locked up in one of the King County Jails it’d be pretty cool to go check him out during visitation hours…

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Garden State - One Sweet Ass Movie

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Natalie Portman Ass Crack

Say hello to Ms. AssCrack Portman.

Solid movie. From top to bottom, it was just one of those movies that you wished would go on a little longer. Maybe it’s because I’m used to watching 3-hour long Indian movies?

This review will be short, so no worries. The music, the drug use, the sexay ladies & overall dialogue was near perfect. I especially loved the awkward, silent moments. This movie took around $2.5mil to make and raked in roughly $32mil, so some people made a nice chunk of change on it. It’s another one of those low-budget successes that will be wildly successful now that it’s on DVD. So yeah, if you haven’t checked it out, please do so.

On a side note, if any of you guys are wondering what kind of person miSs is, just keep a close eye on Natalie Portman in this movie. I was literally shocked at the similarities. What’s even weirder is that miSs emailed while I was watching & thinking, ‘Damn this this character is just like Melissa! What the fuck?’ There’s some truth behind the theory of synchronicity, I tell you!

Now for a few more photos from the Ass Crack Collection.

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Bai Ling….Still Slutty

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When asked what she looks like in the upcoming Star Wars III, Bai Ling’s response was fairly predictable.

I’m all naked with tattoos on my body. You have to find out why, when you see the movie. [She Knows]

Bai Ling, who’s known for her excessive sluttiness on the red carpet, plays dress-up/down @ F1 Malaysian Grand Prix earlier this year. Today Bai Ling has decided to go w/ the ho-ish miniskirt that makes you just wanna jump on top of her. I guess she knows how to impress those horny race car drivers.

Check out a full body shot below.

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