Girls: Simon Cowell's Hard Nipplies & Manboobies!
Girls, don’t pinch too hard, now.
Before I get smashed to pieces by diehard Simon lovers, I gotta say that his manboobs are probably a result of his age b/c he appears to be borderline ripped. Happy?
Monthly Archives: April 2005
Crush of the Week- Seth Freakin Green
I know, I know. This is one is seriously off the wall. But like my moods, there is not one type of guy you can put into a catergory and say, “That is totally a guy that miSs would dig!” My tastes will always be far and wide. No one will ever be able to pigeon-hole me!!!!
So why Seth Green? Unlike boys, I think girls have the capablity to see beyond a fine ass guy. Yeah some guys are hot! Don’t get me wrong. But I also have a very very soft spot for nerdy guys. I can’t help it. Sometimes creativity and a little wit can blow away perfect faces and muscles.
Now, Seth Green is not REALLy nerdy … but for some reason he falls into this catergory for me. Reasons why I like Seth … hes creative, hes funny, he always has that abilty of being able to just laugh at himself. I know, I know I sound like I know the guy. I don’t. But I wish I did.
Robot Chicken. This is what brought on my Seth Green obsession. This show is just fuckin genius. Seriously just watch the show (Cartoon Network, 8:30pm PST, Sundays). Its freakin great. Not to mention all the things he’s been involved in. Can’t hardly Wait, The Family Guy, Austin Powers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes … I could go on forever.
Why should all the hot and sexy guys get all the glory? The smart, witty and freakin intelligent ones should get some credit to. And well, I will admit that I think hes kinda cute too.
Now all of you can laugh and say what you want. But I like Seth Green and I’m standing by my man!
( I apologize for no pictures. Every one I saw he looked super dorky in.)
Jessica Alba Trippin' On Flipper Memories
And, I always thought dolphins were super violent animals. Actually, I think they are really violent—it’s just that those damn male dolphins don’t mind making out w/ hotties like J. Alba. Damn Flipper (where ever he is these days) & all horny, male dolphins.
The picture above is actually a screen-capture taken by a horny human (probably also a male) & comes courtesy of MTV’s new travel-themed show, Trippin’. This is the show in which Crazy Cameron Diaz arduously travels around the world with beautiful & famous celebs. Ya, Crazy Cams has it pretty tough, indeed.
In the next episode that’s set to air on Monday night, Crazy Madwoman Cams visits poverty stricken Honduras with not so poverty stricken Jessica Alba, Kelly Slater and Kid Rock. Kelly Slater & J. Alba are of course cool, but Kid Rock?! What is a cocky-bastard/manwhore/whorebag like him doing traveling to bloody Honduras? I bet he tried to molest J. Alba after she refused to sleep with his dirty, ghetto ass. God I hate that guy.
Ok, now that Kid Rock has screwed the mood, let’s look at a few photos of J. Alba fixin’ her bikini top! Ow!
Ashley Olsen Trying To Look Sexy & Uncle Scott Sartiano
[IMAGE REQUESTED TO BE REMOVED]
Ashley Olsen is moving in with her 30 year old boyfriend, [NAME REQUESTED TO BE REMOVED]…Her parents don’t approve…plus he’s been investigated by the FBI before…and he’s a known drug user…cocaine and ecstasy….Good Catch!!! [The Jason Cage Show Celeb Dirt]
Dude, didn’t [NAME REQUESTED TO BE REMOVED] watch Full House when he was young?! He’s only 30, so he must have caught a few episodes when he was around 16 or 17. Seriously Scott, get a hold of yourself, man. You’re sleeping w/ bloody Michelle Tanner. Then again, Scott is a grad of Columbia University, so naturally he’s reachin’ for the dough (he’s some sort of ‘promoter’). With that in hand, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt & assume he’s trying to imbezzle money from Ashley. At least, let’s hope that’s the case.
I just feel very awkward looking at either of the Olsen Monkeies trying to look sexy. With the quasi wardrobe malfunction pictured below, Ashley has simply gone too far. Either get some implants or hide those thingies under a heavy sweatshirt, turtleneck or shawl. You’re only giving sick pedophiles new material.
Johnny Depp Dressed To Impress
This guy literally takes on the life of Jack Sparrow. Not too many dudes can look like a bloody homeless-hippi-pirate & still get the ladies.
Hilary Duff, Bastard Boyfriend & Suckie-Suckie
That’s no body double, my friends. That’s Hilary Duff’s busted up knee & her busted up boy-toy, Joel Madden. Can you believe that girl?! And, we all thought she was innocent. Dude, I can see her being a complete slut in a couple years (if she isn’t already).
Note to Hilary: Don’t wear a skirt after playing the suckie-suckie game on unforgiving carpet.
Ocean's Twelve
I’ll keep this short.
Catherine Zeta Jones needs to leave wrinkled, old Michael Douglas. She was absolutely stunning.
As for the movie: No story. All fluff—literally a complete waste of money.
I would’ve paid more money to watch Catherine Z walk in slow-mo for 2-hrs w/ her beautiful hair bouncing up & down than watch that crap again.
Oh yeah, one more thing. Bruce Willis is a manwhore. More on that later….
Body Double: Angelina Jolie & Emily Browning
The Ausie actress, Emily Browning, is only 17, so keep the comments clean, people! Also, keep in mind that Emily has some baby fat on her, so this might not be a true match. On that note, let’s review the Angelina Body Double Checklist:
1. Super pouty lips….check
2. Round nose….check
3. Potential skull structure match as Emily reaches her prime….check
Thanks to Samantha for feeding us this one! Rock on, sistah!
Eva Longoria's Mini Rack & Whoring Business
Above is one of Eva Longoria’s extensive collection of shirts on which she proclaims having babies of random, Hollywood socialites. On this particular day, she wore one that read, “I’ll have your baby, Brad.” W/ a single shirt, Eva slapped around:
1. Her current ‘when-I-feel-like-it-boyfriend’, JC Chasez
2. And, ‘high-profile-christening-photo-snapper’, Jen Aniston
I say Brad should take Eva up on her scandalous offer—I’m sure JC wouldn’t mind. Brad, just remember to slip some birth control pills into Eva’s drink when she’s lookin’ the other way. As we all know, kids are waaay overrated!
Continuing on w/ Eva’s (self) whoring business, let’s bring her mini-rack into the picture. Eva’s use of the push-up bra is literally amazing! Just look at the photos below & judge for yourself*.
*Girls with mini-racks can direct photos of their own experiments with the push-up bra to the Bastardly mailbox.
Angelina Pic of the Day
