Posts from July 2014

Bastardly Interview: Jackie Guerrido

 late in the morning while chugging coffee by 24

(Photos courtesy of Crossover Agency)

Yes, yes everyone!!! You have read the title of that post correctly…BASTARDLY INTERVIEW: JACKIE GUERRIDO!!! Oh baby, yours truly was fortunate to conduct a Bastardly Interview with the talented and ultra sexy Jackie Guerrido of Univision’s Despierta America. This is a Bastardly Exclusive! You won’t find any other interviews with Jackie on the Internet in English! Trust me, I’ve searched and I had to take it upon myself to make it happen. Special thanks to Daniela (who’s a hottie too!) at Crossover Agency for setting it up. As I discovered, not only is Jackie the sexy weathergirl that we all tune into at 7:10 am every morning but she’s a really modest professional whose a great mother and isn’t one to shy away from her strong faith in God.

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Teri Hatcher Too Old For Whoring Business

 in the middle of the afternoon by 7

I feel like I’m too old to just have sex. I mean, I want to have sex, but with somebody who really loves and gets me. [Ireland Online]

Aaaaw. Isn’t that sweet? Teri wants to have a respectable relationship. By dropping the ‘long-term bomb’, Teri is now in stuck in a sexual hole all by herself. Why? Well…

1. 75% of the rich men in Hollywood have blacklisted her MILFy ass
2. Another 5% busily watch Teri demonstrate S Factor’s stripper moves on the Howard Stern show in order to contemplate whether she’s worth the trouble.
3. The remaining 20% are now scheming sleazy ways to get into Teri’s panties.

Any woman who can move her body like Teri should have men crawling all over her, but I guess she’s well aware of that fact.

Any bets on who this Michael Jackson look-alike (per miSs) & hot MILF (per me) will end up with? I say she’ll soon slap some sense into Jesse Metcalfe & hook up with him—long-term. The Old-Woman, Young Boy Syndrome is alive & well, baby!

The Women Of Foreign (Latino) Television

 after a late four martini lunch by 14

Barbara Bermudo

Barbara Bermudo

It’s no secret that the United States has the most screwed-up & hypocritical censorship bureau in the world, but when did censorship have any correlation with hotness (also known as female exploitation)? We see she-males like Mr. Gretta van Sustern, straight-up annoying bitches like Paula Zahn, & on top of those two, we have 300-yr old, Judy Woodruff. And, that’s just one network, my friends.

Why can’t we learn from our Mexican neighbors & follow the lead of great Spanish institutions like Univision & Telemundo? Why must we favor content (useless content most of the time, mind you) over presentation?

Below is a compilation of beauties from various North American-based Latino canales! Savor the beauty & write to your local stations demanding an increase in their hotness level!

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Mr. Hugh Hefner Turns Bloody 79! Jillian Grace Attends!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 7


Jillian gettin’ close w/ Amber Campisi!

Is that crazy or what? He’s only a national drinking age away from turning 100!!

I don’t know much about Hef’s religious beliefs, but I’m sure he’s in a little pain after he’s done having sex with five extremely hot, 25-year old centerfolds (not including his twin-girlfriends). I’m also pretty sure that once Hef’s finished unloading his goods & countless naked bodies are then left scattered all over his gigantic bed, he retreats to the bathroom to let out a few tears of grief at the image of his withering body on the mirror.

All I’m sayin’ is that t0 enjoy life as much as he presumably does, there has to be a tinge of pain once these birthdays roll around.

Ok-ok, sorry for making this so dark! It comes out of my jealous side, I guess. I’m very happy that this man is still ticking & I hope his battery keeps going until science thinks of a way to keep all rich people alive forever. Hef is the absolute definition of revelry & eternal youth, so party on, Heffie!

Check out a few more photos from his birthday below!

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Aida Yespica Knows How to Dress

 in the weewizzle hours by 5

Well, let’s see her stats:

* She’s 23.
* Born in Caracas, Venezuela
* Once crowned Ms Amazonian (you know that’s gotta be competitive!)
* Slept with R&B manwhore/player, Craig David
* Down right sexy

Yes, Craig David was lucky enough to get a piece of Aida once.

She is a gorgeous girl. And, boy - what a body! It was fine for a while, but it was never going to progress as she didn’t speak much English. She is the most amazing girl I’ve ever seen. She’s incredible. Most guys fall on their knees in front of her. [Craig David, The Mirror]

How did these two sexual animals ever meet?! Let’s go to Aida for this one, kiddies.

He had a fantastic body and knew exactly how to make a woman happy. He was tender, but also full of passion and I was mesmerized. I knew Craig had a song called Seven Days about meeting a girl one day, having a drink with her another and making love by Wednesday. Well, let’s just say he was a good two days ahead of his own song that night - and I had absolutely no complaints.

Ok, fucking Craig David is the man. If the Aida’s last statement wasn’t enough, this next one by Craig should do the trick.

I was going to have to learn Spanish and work out if she had a sense of humour. It was a case of another one bites the dust. I’m single again. I don’t know what’s going on there, but it’s kind of fun being 22 and not being in a serious relationship. I travel around and meet lots of people. I’ve seen some amazing girls and met people who have great personalities who I haven’t been physically attracted to. I want to find that fine balance, but it’s about personality over looks every time. That will keep you interested - someone who can make you laugh.

There you go, Girls. Craig David favors personality over looks. Bastard.

Now, let’s get back to the scandalous nature of Aida’s dress (or whatever it is that she’s wearing).

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