Posts from July 2014

Mary-Kate & Tall, Old Dude: The Oddest Couple. EVER.

 in the middle of the afternoon by 63

You gotta look @ these pics & just say, “What. The. Fuck?” Ok, it’s bad enough that this girl looks like a baby monkey, but what’s up w/ dressing like an old hag/grandma & walking around w/ a guy that more resembles her daddy, older bro, or babysitter than a pedophiliac boyfriend.

The Bastardly Questions Of The Day

1. How do these two look when they’re having sex?
2. Why does Mary-Kate need to fucking smoke?
3. How much does she pay this dude to have sex with her?
4. Is this guy blind?
5. Does Mar-Kate own a mirror by chance?
6. And last but not least, what’s going through this guy’s mind when he’s in Planet Monkey-Sex w/ Mary-Kate? [I just cringed writing that.]

A few creative answers below would be great appreciated.

Oh, for the record, there are more pics below.

View All Photos ›

The Boney Teri Hatcher

 in the middle of the afternoon by 8


Teri showcases her bones @ the Tiger Jam VIII benefit concert in Las Vegas

First, boney chicks. Now, boney MILFs.

I wish I could take a prolonged nap & wake up after this boney phase is fully flushed down the toilet similar to Lindsay Lohan’s puke after every meal.

Thanks to Missy, every time I look at Teri Hatcher, I’m forced to shake my head in utter disbelief at how much she looks like Michael Jackson. Seriously, of all the people she could’ve looked like, it had to be bloody Michael Jackson!!

For those who desire to see more of Teri in all her boney & milfish glory, take peek below.

Bastardly Question: Who is Sachiko at Koji Osakaya???

 after a late four martini lunch by 24

Thanks for the pic Varian!

steve has mentioned her in the past and as a patron to this fine establishment I’m curious to know which one of the workers he’s actually talking about. Hmm….is she the chick with the silver tooth? What about the shorter boater-looking Japanese girl? There was the hot one that worked during lunch before but I haven’t seen her around….hmm. steve, give us some stats!

Official: Tyra & UPN On Crack

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 17

I know the entire show is based on superficial judging techniques that only anorexic chicks & angry has-beens like Tyra comprehend, but doesn’t level of hotness play any role in winning a beauty contest?!

I’m not saying that Naima is ugly or anything, alright. All I’m saying is that there were chicks who were way hotter! For God’s sake, Naima looks like a resident of some indigenous community straight out of Africa or Brazil. What the fuck were they thinking? Brittany, on the other hand, has hotness written all over her.

To help explain the bullshit, two simple conclusions come to mind.

1. Since Tyra is a complete angry bitch & has one of the biggest egos in the western hemisphere, I’ll have to say that she was quite simply jealous of Brittany’s beauty. That’s what bitches with planet-size egos do, my friends. They stab prettier chicks in the back by sleeping with their boyfriends.

2. And of course, there’s always the possibility that Naima whored herself to UPN execs when she wasn’t busy kissing Tyra’s white-washed booty. Major ass-kissing & sleeping around w/ rich & powerful execs bound by wedlock will always get you fatter paychecks, plump bonuses, & awards.

At the end we can only be sure of one thing: Whoever was getting a piece of Brittany during the taping of this show got to enjoy some very nice “let-me-please-cheer-you-up” sex upon her disqualification. Lucky bastard!

Now for a couple photos.

View All Photos ›

Bastardly Chump: Look! It's Mike the Vegan again!!!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 17

My apologies to the readers for the previous post in which we probably scared a bunch of readers with Mike’s nakedness…well, here he is again!!! In another case of where Varian hooked him up….looking at this guy do you think under any normal circumstances this birdie would let him near her????

Off To Dirty Atlantic City!

  by 0

I’ll be traveling this weekend, so posts will be light from my end.

My digicam met its untimely death, so I won’t have anything to share unless I can get my hands on one of those cheapo disposables.

Have fun lookin’ Jackson’s Hot Bitches!!

Also, now that Melissa has a hot, new laptop stuck to her ass, I’m sure can make bring some dude-posts into the mix.

Eva Longingforsexoria Stuck To Hayden's Ass

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 2


I guess as long as she’s stuck to his ass, he doesn’t mind, right?

Well, in the photo above we can see that the woman is resorting to Plan B: Beg for the shit.

Eva, there’s a line between being a complete slut & being a desperate, $2 Chinese whore looking to make ends meet. Get a hold of yourself, sistah!

Lindsay Lohan JUST Got A Trainer!

 in the middle of the afternoon by 16

Tammy, a Bastardly Reporter in the field, sent us this:

The 18-year-old actress attributes her slimmer figure to a new exercise regimen. “I’m working out. I just got a trainer,” she tells People magazine in its upcoming issue.

Pilates? Yoga?

“No, none of that stuff, though I’d like to try it sometime. Just old-school working out,” said Lohan,

On Tuesday, Lohan told “Access Hollywood” she doesn’t pay attention to reports that she’s lost too much weight, but acknowledged there is a lot of pressure in Hollywood to stay slim.

“Especially when you lose a lot of weight and then people are telling you, ‘You look great!’ You are like, ‘So … did I look fat before?’” [Plagiarized from an online source! Good Work Tammy!]

So there you have it, girls. Lindsay Lohan looks like a concentration camp survivor b/c she ‘just got a trainer’ & she doesn’t rely on pilates or yoga, but ‘just old-school working out’.

Once again let’s review the old-school (Hollywood, slutwhore) regimen:

1. Sex with Hollywood elites
2. Expensive yuppie cocaine sold by rich kids (until vomiting is induced)
3. Finger gagging after every meal (until vomiting is induced)
4. Penis gagging during sex (until vomiting is induced)
5. Sex with ‘trainer’
6. Partying before sex & after eating
7. And, top it off w/ more sex, but this time after doing a few lines of coke.

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