Posts from September 2014

Canadian & White! Steve Nash Wins MVP!!

 after a late four martini lunch by 11

Steve Nash is an inspiration to everyone. [Steve Nash, Yahoo Sports]

Yeah, an inspiration to Canadians & all those white, high school kids getting dunked on by the brothas who tend to dominate the game.

Anyway, the last time a white dude won the MVP award was WAAAAAY BACK IN 1986! That’s when Larry Bird won it 3x in a row. Is this a trend reversal? Hah. Riiiight!

1. 2004 - Kevin Garnett - Brotha
2. 2003 - Tim Duncan - Brotha
3. 2002 - Tim Duncan - Brotha
4. 2001 - Allen Iverson - Brotha
5. 2000 - Shaquille O’Neal - Brotha
6. 1999 - Karl Malone - Brotha
7. 1998 - Michael Jordan - Brotha
8. 1997 - Karl Malone - Brotha
9. 1996 - Michael Jordan - Brotha
10. 1995 - David Robinson - Brotha
11. 1994 - Hakeem Olajuwon - Brotha
12. 1993 - Charles Barkley - Brotha
13. 1992 - Michael Jordan - Brotha
14. 1991 - Michael Jordan - Brotha
15. 1990 - Magic Johnson - Brotha
16. 1989 - Magic Johnson - Brotha
17. 1988 - Michael Jordan - Brotha
18. 1987 - Magic Johnson - Brotha
19. 1986 - Larry Bird - White Man
20. 1985 - Larry Bird - White Man
21. 1984 - Larry Bird - White Man

MVP data courtesy of Sport Stats

Old & New: Pepsi Girls & Our Society

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 7


Old Pepsi Girl is Hallie Katie Eisenberg. New Pepsi Girl is Mandy Amano.

Our society is truly bastardly & you don’t need to look too far to come to that conclusion. We go from a cute 5-year old to a comic book nerd who shakes her booty for the new generation of free porn & MP3 addicted adolescents. Showing cute, little girls with huge dimples just doesn’t cut it anymore, my friends. We need boobies, ass & straight-up multi-cultral hotness in order to change our drinking habits! Kudos to Pepsi for figuring this out.

Anyway, here are a few recent pics of both girls that will help drive home my point.

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Paris Hilton: The Science Behind Camera Whoring

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In this day & age, there is an extremely close correlation between the media, power & money. In order to obtain a nice grasp on all three elements, Paris Hilton, whether we like it or not, is a genius when it comes to whoring out her bod & her various accessories (i.e. phone, pets, etc.).

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Angelina’s Sexual Predicament: Brad Pitt or Shaukat Aziz

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 10

Angelina has been all over the media, all over the world! From the dirty, gossip pages chronicling the types noises Angie makes as Brad ravages her sexy bod to the serious & slightly boring, yet equally scandalous, type of news that links Angie to Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz of Pakistan. I don’t know who pulled the latter bit out of their ass, but I definitely smell some Pakistani curry in the mix.

Regardless of whose ass the news comes from, I would love to watch those two guys duke it out for Angie. One guy has western MILFs & adolescent girls behind him, while the other has the part of the Pakistani Army that’s not already preoccupied with “the hunt” for Mr. bin Laden (assuming he’s still alive).

Since we have no life, let’s try to analyze what Angie has said in the past.

I wouldn’t sleep with a married man. I have enough lovers. I don’t need Brad. [ContactMusic]

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The Varian Collection: Nazmi

 in the middle of the afternoon by 30

Nazmi: yes, Varian got that.

Yes, yes…..as we caused a commotion about East Indian girls from this post, Varian had to step in and show that it’s not only the doctors, lawyers, or engineers that get these chicks as Moe commented….but if you’re a smooth pimp like Varian you too could snag one of these birdies for yourself….

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Kelly Osbourne Boobies Nearly Explode. Again.

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What is up with Kelly Osbourne? When her daddy dressed up all funky, it was cool & funny, but why is that when Kelly tries to replicate her pappy’s fashion, she forces people to question her sanity? Does being different seriously have to involve potentially harming innocent bystanders? Just look at those boobies. My god. There is no way in hell that’s gotta be comfortable.

Girls, please help me out here. If boobs are supposed to be somewhat sensitive, then this sort of madwoman-squeezing must inflict some sort of internal damage. Speak out for the sake of Kelly’s boobies, girls! They need your help.

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