Posts from September 2014

Bastardly Invasion? Costa Rica

 in the middle of the afternoon by 14

So I’m thinking about hitting up Costa Rica. However, from the looks of that map you think I have any idea where to go or stay in that place???

Alright Bastardly readers…share with us your personal stories or recommendations. In addition, tell me where I’m going to find hot women!!! Email us at moejackson.com@gmail.com too!

Cheers!

Bastardly Matchup: David Beckham vs. Mike the Vegan

 after a late four martini lunch by 17

I was told that June is “Gay and Lesbian Pride Month” so why not have a matchup of two dudes we post here?!?! In no way am I saying that Becks is gay but you’ve heard him talk and he does have those poses where he looks just a lil’ bit too fruity…though he probably goes home and has crazy sex with Posh Spice after these homo photo shoots.

and his opponent….(*Warning* it ain’t my fault if the following image is discomforting)

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The Brothas & Their Ugly Bitches

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 30


Usher w/ his Mammah. This is an anomaly in the ‘Brothas & Their Ugly Bitches’ world.

The brothas shoot music videos with the hottest of the hottest. Not only that, but they bust out the smoothest lines referring to the most bootifullest women in the world, so why is it that they consume their private lives w/ freaky, ugly bitches?

Does it have something to do w/ hypocrisy or quite simply their desire for a stable love life that only an average/’sub-par’ looking woman can provide? (I know I’m gonna smack for the last statement.)

Judge for yourself.

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The Odd One Out: Olsen Monkeys:

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The Obvious
Monkey-Kate is seriously in her own little world. If the Olsen Empire ever falls, it will be because of the scandalous relationship between crack-cocaine & Monkey-Kate Olsen.

The Super Awkward Statement Of The Week
Ashley’s lookin’ kinda ha…ha…hot—there, I said it! I don’t know why, but I gotta call it like it is, baby. Then again, her hotness might merely be an allusion considering she’s standing next to a crackwhore-freak w/ too much of everything on her face & body.

Here’s the same photo, but including their bodyguard.

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Lizzy Jagger Sweetens Up The MANGO Brand

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 17

The Good:

* The chocolaty tan (it might be makeup, but whatever)
* The scrumptious lips
* The mysterious eyes
* The “extremely hot latinaesque” hair (long, dark hair is where it’s at, girlies!)

The Ugly:

* Lizzy’s name reminds me the somewhat whoreish, Lizzie “I want to get on my knees and give trashy dudes blow-jobs” McGuire. Very annoying, indeed.
* Her father is the famous manwhore & rocker, Mick Jagger.

Bottomline: She’s hot & any of you bastards (that includes you lesbians) to deny a night w/ Lizzy in all her sweaty nakedness should seek refuge to some mountain top & question your sexuality.

Check out Lizzy modeling MANGO’s sizzling summer lineup. Ow!

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Jennifer Love Hewitt Does Hanes & Russell Crowe & Clooney Need To Do WWE!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 11

Look who’s doing ads for Hanes! Jennifer Love Hewitt, that’s who!

I have always wanted to model for an all-American apparel brand and Hanes is perfect for … with a flirty edge and the new ads really show that [Zap2it]

Aaaw, how sweet. Let’s hope there are some wet t-shirt ads.

In response to JLH & all the other celebs whoring themselves to the ad biz, here’s the famous Angry Phone Tosser himself, Russell Crowe.

I don’t use my celebrity to make a living.

I don’t do ads for suits in Spain like George Clooney or cigarettes in Japan like Harrison Ford. And on one level, people go, Well, more fault to you, mate, because there’s free money to be handed out.

But to me it’s kind of sacrilegious - it’s a complete contradiction of the fucking social contract you have with your audience.

I mean, Robert De Niro advertising American Express. Gee whiz, it’s not the first time he’s disappointed me. It’s been happening for a while now. [contactmusic via The Movie Blog]

George Clooney responded w/ his bullshit.

In response to Clooney, Russell jabs back w/ something deep.

I had a good laugh when Clooney tried to compare doing ads for suits, and a car and a drink to what I do as a musician. An endorsement is about money. My music is from the heart. [Celebrity Spider]

Angry Russell & George Clooney should stop their bickering already. They need to call up the WWE & schedule some sort of PPV event. This way,

1. Russell can regulate on Clooney, Gladiator-style (straight from his heart)
2. And, Clooney can take home the dough generated by the event.

Also, at the end of the event, they give each other a big hug…

1. This way, Russell can forgive Clooney (straight from his heart)
2. And, Clooney can earn money by giving interviews & selling posters of the make-up hug.

Ok, enough of this useless news. Let’s view a couple unimpressive J. L. Hewitt ads from her new Hanes campaign.

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American Apparel Sells Pornographic Socks

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The above ad & other similarly whored-out ads can be see on Vice Mag’s site

American Apparel values a natural aesthetic when it comes to our clothes as well as our models. [AA Website]

The face of American marketing is getting sluttier & sluttier by each ad that’s thrown in our faces. Although we don’t mind going down this dirty path, we still remain anxious to see where this will all end.

How long will the government keep censoring the likes of Howard Stern & allow young models to whore themselves in skankilicious attire? For the sake of some good ‘ole eye-candy on long road trips & casual walks through large cities across the nation, let’s hope the government bureaus turn the blind eye on this type of stuff for a long, long time.

* Tien Mao lays down some more photos & smack on this topic

The Starbucks Whores

 early in the evening, before sex by 6

Buddy’s owner @ cityrag poses a very simple question to the superficial world:

Has anyone calculated the amount of free advertising Starbucks is getting from all the photos that make the rounds of today’s hottest A-List celebrities holding tight to their cups? [Cityrag]

I bet the marketing whores at Starbucks have made a rough calculation.

You’d really think these A-F Listers, who are typically accustomed to wearing the most obscure designer names, would reconsider their choice in coffee considering Starbucks is such a ubiquitous brand available to anyone & everyone. But, maybe the deciding factor is not quality, but really price. Overpaying is hot, so why not, right?

With the Olsen Monkeys paying through their boney asses in order to look crackwhorishly homeless & Tara Reid consistently overpaying for shoddy boob jobs, it’s perfectly alright to buy coffee from a company that buys their goods from the lowest bidder residing in some of the most impoverished nations around the world.

On that note, let’s check out the huge ass Starbucks collage posted on cityrag.

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