Posts from September 2014

Overrated (Yes, Another): Kirsten Dunst

 after a late four martini lunch by 49

Kirsten Dunst: I have no idea how this chick made it into a blockbuster like Spiderman. I’m pretty sure she slept her way into it—and it must have been everyone from the producer to the director to the bloody lighting guy.

Her lifetime earnings are completely skewed w/ Spiderman, as well. Box Office Mojo lists her earnings as $1.3bil, but w/out Spiderman it sits around $591k.

Just take Wimbledon for example. It took around $31mil to produce Wimbledon (that doesn’t include marketing, mind you), but it earned only $17mil in domestic sales!

So yeah, maybe the dudes who accept her sexual invitations put a heavy duty brown bag over Kirsten’s head before they partake in crazy-whored-out sex, but it still can’t be that good, right?!. I’m thinking Ms. Dunst must have something really special in between those legs of hers.

Katie Holmes Attempts To Penetrate Tom Cruise

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 7

My apologies for the title, but trust me, it’s appropriate.

In the news today, many kids died in Iraq & Mr. Novak is still not yet in prison. Let’s hope that when the prison bug bites his ass, he’s welcomed by an angry gang of murderous midgets, who will also proceed to bite his ass. But screw the frivolous news; let’s talk about the latest in Hollywood real estate feuding!

Hollywood heavyweights Tom Cruise and Tobey Maguire are fighting to buy Rob
Lowe’s luxurious house in California, because both stars have decided it is
their dream home.

Cruise is desperate to turn the $7 million property, located just a few
doors up from talk show queen Oprah Winfrey, into a love nest for fiancée
Katie Holmes, but “Spider-Man” actor Maguire has the same idea for his
girlfriend, Jen Meyer. [SF Gate]

I’m pulling for Tom b/c I’d really want to see Oprah get cancelled once she, too, becomes a scientologist & starts trying to convert housewives across the country. Let’s admit it, Tom Cruise is looney, but he’s also a fucking genius!!

Ok, enough talk, let’s see the penetration shot!

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Posing Paris #1: Pouty Boobs

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 36

In a new series of photos, we’ll chronicle The Ho’d-up Paris Hilton Poses, so if you want to be famous by way of spreading your legs for the right people, follow these carefully. Paris, pose by pose, reveals her secret camera whoring techniques on how to be an extremely successfully whore in high society.

Here’s number #1.

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Wildly Overrated Maria Sharapova Hosts Espys

 way too early in the morning by 50

Why has this chick’s illusionary hottness blown so wildly out of proportion? Is it b/c she’s a Ruskie who looks like Kournikova from a mile away & can also win grand slams? Whatever it is, it’s all bullshit. I’m not saying the chick is ugs, but I’m just saying that she shouldn’t be hosting a bloody sports awards show. There are far hotter chicks out there:

1. Half of the Russian Olympic volleyball team (need some English language coaching)
2. Kournikova—if they are so god damn desperate for a Ruskie blonde!
3. Logan Tom from the US volleyball team

Regardless, you can check out Roddick & Sharapova on the Espys this Sunday. Below, there’s some eye-candy for Sharapova fans. Enjoy.

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Bastardly Interview: Danielle Gamba

 way too early in the morning by 5

(Photos courtesy of Danielle Gamba)

Every guy has that something about a girl that gets him going. For some it might be the schoolgirl outfit, the black frame glasses, or simply pigtails. However, freckles never looked sexier thanks to Danielle Gamba! You’ve seen her in FHM as the reigning Hometown Honey representing Walnut Creek, CA…by the way, vote for her here! You might have also caught her in the pages of Playboy. She also is working on her official website. But now you get to learn more about her the Bastardly way!

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A Tribute To Brazilian Fans

 late in the evening by 12


Actually, I think they might be cheerleaders, but whatever. We love their energy, enthusiasm, & of course, their juicy bods!

If anyone has any special connections on a way to get cheap airline tickets, please email us as we would love to go down there as a gang and party it up during the next Carnaval (end of Febs, 2006). Free T-Shirt for you and a friend will be your reward. I know that’s not much, but please understand that we’re one of the last adfree blogs out there who cater to complete, utter bullshitting, so give us a break.

Ok, enough begging. Let’s see some fotos of Braaaaaasileño hotties!!

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