Monthly Archives: August 2005
Slutty Kim Stewart: Ugly Trendsetter
Props to Tammy for the pic.
I’m so glad that she has faced reality. Apart from declaring that she’s an ugly whore, Kim recently pranced around in her best horse race outfit w/ a frap from another coffee institution. How dare she!?! Is she rebelling against the Starbucks drinking sorority or did her ass get booted?
Office Weight Goes Up By 1000lbs!!!
I’m probably going to hell for this, but you can say that for 90% of the shit I post.
Regardless of heaven & hell, the fact of the matter is that we just hired 2 new programmers who have a combined weight of around 1000lbs. It’s crazy, I tell you. The boss of our IT depart weighs in at around 275lbs & stands about 5’2″ tall (he’s the guy who buys the size 50Wx28H pants you see on sale racks @ various department stores). I think he hired the 500lbers just to make himself feel healthy (haha) b/c our company outsources all computer related crap to human drones in India. Those two dudes will probably put on more weight now that they have to sit there for 8 hours & stare @ a fucking computer screen (while they munch on a bag of Cheetos).
So yes, w/ the addition of 1000 or so lbs in the IT department & the finance department already sitting around @ roughly 5000lbs (it’s crazy, I tell you), the heat is seriously turning up in our dwindling office space*.
*The heat theory is based on a study (I can’t remember @ which IVY league uni this study was conducted) where the temperature of a given room is directly proportional to the size of the people who occupy that room.
Eva Longwhoria Coordinating Anal Sex
I know, I know, I’m a horrible-horrible person.
So who’s Eva with these days? Wait, let me rephrase that. So, who’s penis is Eva devouring these days? The great Miu of Socialite’s Life has the scoop!
Olsen Monkey Swings With Her Gorilla
Lindsay Lohan Faces Reality — Quits Crack.
The Captain writes:
Hmmmm, I think I have inner hatred…..I guess it comes from our country being overly fascinated with the super skinny. Taking girls like this and Lindsay Lohan and going “Oh, look….They aren’t fat anymore. Let’s make them even more popular and put pictures of them EVERYWHERE for all to see.â€? That is why there are MANY MANY young girls out there (who idolize these waifs) with severe eating disorders because they feel as though weighing more than 100 pounds makes them fat. People who say they are gorgeous are only making the problem worse. “OH, look how pretty she is NOW that she weighs 90 lbs. I like her more now.â€? If that means inner hatred….then yes, I definitely have issues.
I’m sorry, man.
Posing Paris: A Superficial Night Out
Are Male Paris’ eyes finally opening up or is his head still far up Female Paris’ ass? If the break up rumors are indeed true, let’s hope it all ends in some crazy domestic abuse type of scandal. Hey, if Nick Carter can beat up Paris, why can’t Male Paris?
Below, there are a few more lame photos from the same night out.
The OC Revisited: Real Lame, Fake, Ugly & Slutty
I can say all that without watching a single episode! Yes, yes, I know, it’s damn hard work what we do here. I love talking about things I have no clue about b/c I can get as creative as I want when forming my opinions.
Anyway, since the last OC post was so damn popular, I figured we’d take a couple more shots while this show is still on the air. I’ll let the photos— all taken during a show-related party— speak for themselves.
2005 Silvercash Bikini Contest. Ow!
The winner—at least one them (for some odd reason, they had two).
Silvercash.com just finished up their annual bikini contest & my God! If you’re a guy (or a girl looking for new bikinis for that upcoming vacation), you have got to feast on these photos.
Please keep in mind that all masturbating parties should either close their browsers or leave The Bastardly before partaking in such acts. Around 3% of our readers are still mastering their ABCs & multiplication tables in elementary school, so have pity on them.
In regards to the bikini contest: Man, Jackson & I dream (fantasize) of the day we can throw a Bastardly Bikini Contest. Judges would include all horny commenters, led by Mr. Varian Gray, of course. Since all big things have humble beginnings, we want to reiterate that we currently give away free Tees & tanks to hot girls who send in photos of themselves and/or their unsuspecting, hot friends in delicious bikinis. Girls, direct all photos to this email*.
Ok, enough bullshitting. Check out just a few of my favs from Silvercash’s gallery.
*Winners are based purely on our tastes, so naturally, if you’re hot & Latina, you’ve got an edge.
Nicole Richie Needs More Turtle Necks
Gross is the only word that comes to mind as I stare into Nicole Richie’s stomach-churning, ultra flat “chest.” It’s the same feeling one gets when staring at obscenely large 54-quadruple Ds or even the mere thought of staring at Monkey-Kate Olsen’s boney, naked bod.
God have mercy on the aimless wanderings of our subconscious.