Posts from July 2014

Brooke Shields Floating Into Transvestite World

  by 11


First, no this is not Bastardly’s self-declared Transvestite Day, so no worries.

And secondly, I understand I’m being a little harsh on Brooke here, but I’m just calling it like I see it. My apologies to Andre Agassi & all Brooke fans. I’ll give you this much: The woman was hot @ one point, but age has not been kind to her. There are some women who go into MIFLand following their prime & there are others who hit the ugly age-tree going 90mph. Brooke is somewhere in between.

The manface is frightening & the chance of her whipping out a 9″ schlong while in bed is too great of a risk, so lay off this one, boys.

Before I leave you people w/ a few scandalous photos of Brooke, you should really consider why a woman of Brooke’s age & status would go out in public looking like a desperate, washed-up whore? Is it fashion nowadays to show off everything? I think it’s either because:

1. Brooke hasn’t gotten some in a while (I’m talkin’ 6 months)
2. Or possibly she’s in need of a sugardaddy to handle her growing financial needs (buying weights, roids, etc).

Maybe you guys can think of a few more…

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Google Declares Kim Stewart An "Ugly Transvestite"

  by 45

Yes, my friends. Yet another proud moment in the world of the Bastardly.

When you’ve smoked one too many doobies & done a few lines w/ Kate Moss, you become compelled to head to your nearest computer to look up the keywords, “Ugly Transvestite,” in Google.

In the number one position you’ll see our post on Kim Stewart, the premier socialite specializing in ugliness & sluttiness all rolled up in one really ugly transvestite looking package.

My sincere apologies to the transvestite community all around the world.

Tess Smith @ The Emmys Dressed To Scare

 in the middle of the afternoon by 99

Tess Smith or Kristin Lehman—apparently there’s some confusion as to the true identity of this woman. Kristin Lehman looks around 40 & somewhat MILFish, so maybe if you’re smoking tons of crack, then Tess Smith looks a little like Kristin Lehman.

Anyway, after a little Googling & Yahoo’ing, Madaam Smith is some sort of screenwriter, but I have a feeling that, on the side, when she’s not busy doing all that vigorous screenwriting, Tess/Kristin also sleeps around w/ some powerful (old) men in Hollywoood. Although, that’s just a hunch, so don’t take my word for it.

Here are a few photos of this 88-year old hottie @ last year’s Emmys—yes, they let her inside last year, too! Below are some full body shots from last night’s Emmys. Have your yack bags handy.

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Evangeline Lilly & Dominic Monaghan Party It Up!

 after a late four martini lunch by 29

Dominic Monaghan is pretty much in the same boat as Cash Warner. The former hobbit has also found a way to use his fame & money to sleep w/ extremely hot women. Good for you, man!

So many of you will ask, how’s it’s possible for Dominic Monaghan to be straight & Elle Wood* to be gay? Very simple, my friends. Evangeline Lilly*. I’m sure there are bisexual hotties who wouldn’t mind spending some quality sexualtime w/ Elle—even though it might involve a lot of anal sex.

1.Elijah Wood.
2.We await your rebuttal, Elle Wood Fans.

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Cradle Rocker Joel Madden & Horsillary @ Emmy's Pre-Party

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 23

1. Why is Hillary wearing that cultish, wannabe hippie dress?
2. Joel Madden probably had a threesome following this photo-op.

Here are a few more snaps.

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Mary-Kate: Still A Homeless Crack Whore

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 36


Why hasn’t the homeless look hit the Hiltons yet?

Ok, I take that back. I bet that busted-up tee probably costs around $800 & extra holes and stains run around $150 each.

Here’s another pic of the two monkeys w/ “friends” @ a recent Rolling Stones concert.

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When The Paparazzi Get Drunk…

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 40

These two chicks can’t be serious. Is this what high fashion has come to? Do these two live in some kind of cocoon in outer space in which they don’t know the difference between a clown & a lunatic?

Because I know all you want to see, here’s a close-up of Nicky. These days she has gone into mimic-my-sister-mode where she has recently ditched the brown hair & gone slutty blonde.

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The Case Of Two Crack Whore Kates: Moss & Hudson

  by 27

Drugs enhanced all the misery and I got into this spiral. I still drink but I don’t do drugs. [Kate Moss, The Mirror]

Kate, it’s no use being in denial. Coke is a powerful drug, man. Donatella Verscace, Angry Naomi Campbell & a host of others have been on it & are still on it (regardless of what they say in public).

Now let’s take a second to grab our yack bags & dive into a couple photos of yet another Kate—the Hudson version, that is. It’s pretty damn obvious where Kate Hudson’s money’s going…

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