Paris Hilton Posing: Pinky Sex
Monthly Archives: October 2005
OK Magazine Launch Party: Fashion Gone Wrong
While Nick Lachey sleeps around, Jessica sleeps inside random tanning beds around the country.
My God. Did everyone do a line of coke before going into their closets?! One of the few people who looked decent was—my apologies for this one-Star Jones! There, I said it. Apart from that, the stage was filled w/ puke-inducing outfits. Everyone from Tannessica to Bobby Trendy (ok, that’s not saying much).
Well, have fun with these.
Ashlee Simpson: The New Age Of Music Marketing
I’m sorry about this one!! It was just callin’ me out!!
The good ol’ days of bands heading to huge record shops to play songs are just that—old!!
Rather than using her tongue to “sing” songs from her new album, Ass & her army of consultants have decided to go a much more risque route.
It’s been learned from an undisclosed source that her father/master/Pimp, Joe Simpson, consulted with a private marketing firm to help decide the best action to take as the new Ass album faces tough competition @ the registers. The marketing geniuses came to the conclusion that there’s a select male population that will purchase the CD, if there are added incentives.
For all you guys trapped in the awful desert of indecision between whether to buy Ass’ new album or not, the following photos might help you decide.
Russian Women: Man's Gift From God
“Beauty will save the world.”
Those wise words came from one of the greatest authors to ever live, Mr. Fydor Dosteovsky (also Russian). The powers of beauty are self-evident, but I must confess, I nearly had a heart attack after setting my eyes on these two beauties.
May God have mercy on all hot Ruskies.
Side note: The photo was taken by one of our readers (wants to remain anonymous), who visited the Playboy Mansion for a party earlier this year (damn you!!!). Once again, if you’re in the position to provide two invites to the mansion for the New Years party, please do email us. We will hook you up like no other.
Tom Sizemore & Paris Hilton Had Sex
It’s disappointing that Mr. Sizemore has to use my name to sell his DVDs. He is not an acquaintance of mine nor have I ever had intimate relations with him. [Paris Hilton Via a Statement, E! Online]
Since when do you need to be an acquaintance to have sex? Enough said.
The video features the self-proclaimed sex addict having “inexhaustible sex” with up to four young women at a time.
But, even more shocking is what the 44-year-old actor says about an alleged one-night stand with socialite Paris Hilton in 2001 - when she was just 19.
He claims Hilton stayed behind after a party he threw and suggested quite explicitly that they have sex together.
Sizemore alleges that the heiress showed him a very good time, adding, “She knew what she could do to people.”
The actor recalls Hilton left “abruptly” in the morning, climbing into a long limousine with the parting words, “Goin’ to Sundance. See you next week.” [Yahoo]
The Bastardly Theory
Very simple, my friends. Paris Hilton has had sex with roughly 600-700 people since she was around 15, so remembering who she had sex with ‘that one night after that one party in that one club’ is like trying to remember what you had for breakfast two Sundays ago. It’s just not that easy—especially when you’re in total denial. Let’s face it, Paris got drunk, or drugged-up & had sex (with the 44 year old). So what? Paris, just admit to it, sign the necessary papers to release the video & earn more dough. Since when is having a sex tape a bad career move?! Then again, this is a tape w/ bloody Tom Sizemore.
Donna Feldman - A Bastardly Interview
Photos courtesy of Donna Feldman
Do you ever wonder about the hot girl that is handing out the trophies at award ceremonies? Well, for all you curious-minded people let me grab your attention towards the lovely Donna Feldman from this past year’s Academy Awards. In addition to being named to the Maxim Hot 100, Donna has built quite an impressive resume when it comes to gracing her sexy bod across the media. Check out more heat at her official website but w/ her busy schedule she had time for our Bastardly Interview…and believe me it was well worth the wait.
Eva Longoria: Undeniably Hot (But Still A Whore)
I know I give this lady a lot of shit for sleeping around w/ everyone with a decent sized wallet, coupled with a Hollywood network. Her scandalous life is perfectly fine because you must learn to play a little dirty in order to achieve tremendous success in the entertainment industry (assuming you’re not already born into some powerhouse family).
As the bastardly saying goes, “if you chase money, you will eventually find power.” In Eva’s quest for power, she recently slam-dunked herself into Tony Parker’s heart. Since we all know this won’t be one of those lifer-relationship, what’s the over/under on her engagement/potential marriage?
While you guys think up a number, here are two super hot photos of Eva. I bet the lucky photographer got a piece following the shoot! Damn you!!!
Marcia Hines: Ex-Queen (Or King) Of Aussie Pop
In your deepest, manliest voice, say hello to Marcia Hines. For all you non-Aussies, Marcia Hines was Australia’s first diva in the 70s & now makes a living as a judge on Australian Idol.
With her deep roots in the music industry, Marcia showed face w/ all her special effects @ this past weekend’s 2005 ARIA Awards in Aussieland. Did she steal her clothes off the set of Coming to America or what?
Being a Diva doesn’t give her the right to look like Wesley Snipes in drag. Why is it that every black woman who looks remotely mannish resembles bloody Wesley Snipes?! The guy is cursed, I tell you.
Here are more pics of Marcia pimpin’ the Aussie Trannies in attendance. Ow!!
Paris Hilton & Stavros Niarchos Enter Phase One Of Superficial Relationship
Props to the hardest working gossip whore in blogging for some of the photos! JustJared.com, of course!
First, what are possible names for these two now that Paris has officially stolen his ass from the Olsen Monkeys. Possible candidates include:
1. Pairchos
2. Parstavton
3. Stavris
4. Pastavris
Shoot, if you got more…
On to more superficial business…So what exactly is phase one of the typical Paris Hilton relationship, you ask? Well, it’s pretty much the phase where Paris tries to take control by giving her body to her new mate—at least making it seem like she’s giving it to the poor guy. She shrewdly does this by making out with him whenever possible (especially when cameras are lurking). During some of these make out sessions, she might shrewdly play around with his Greek itsy-bitsies down below & of course, if the opportunity arises, she’ll give the occasional ocean blowjob during one of their weekly vacations.
This is a very critical phase b/c IF Stavros folds his cards early in the game & ends up falling in love, it’s all over, my friends. Paris will be on yet another 6-9month, all expenses paid vacation courtesy of the country of Greece.
With that in hand, I want to be a whore, too!!!!
The Rock's Career: Doomed & Falling Like A Rock!
If Doom manages to make any money, I’ll never watch a movie again.
And now, a picture of The Rock pointing at all his Bastardly ladies—yes, that means you, missy!! Scratch away, ladies.