Talan Torriero: The Ugliest Kimberly Is Kimberly Stewart

 in the middle of the afternoon by 10

This is Google confirmed information, so it must be true.. You can see for yourself.

So what exactly is Talan Torriero doing?

The Bastardly Theory
I’m going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt & assume that he’s on Rod Stewart’s ultra-secret “Superficial Friends of Kimberly” payroll. Just out of curiosity, does this dude get paid by each hour he’s around Kimberugly or is he a salaried friend (this option involves (God forbid) sex with Kimberly, so be wary prospective employees)?!


10 comments
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beth

Sandra Bernhard

Sarah Jessica Parker

Barbra Streisand

Hilary Clinton

Magie Gyllenhal

alana
alana

aww, i never thought she was so bad, at least she didnt ruin talan's ( wait, isnt he gay? ) prom like skanky kristen did!!!! talan should have stayed with taylor, she is total girlfriend material. but with kim, i guess the ecstacy wore off too soon.....

Schmeh

nodakagirl-it is Stewart spawn #7.

A Simple Observer
A Simple Observer

LMAO at Nodakgirl's comment. Very interesting question.........

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Nancy

Haha you didn't need google to prove that Kimberly Stewart is the ugliest Kimberly.

nodakgirl
nodakgirl

NEWSFLASH: the lazy-ass, new way of getting PR in Hollyweird is to GET ENGAGED. Why else would a done-less-than-five-minutes-from-now Surfer Boy and skanky-scrawny-spawn of Stewart...get engaged for 2 weeks -- then call it off?

But Talan's a stupe, if it was legit. The idiot missed the freakin' gravy train. Talan could've gotten his claws into Daddy's stash -- a cool $500 MILLION (Rod's estimated net worth).

Let's do the math: when Stewart Baby #6 pops out of skyscraper-high underpants model/fiance Penny-whadda-hella-name... that's gonna be Rod-Spawn #6, right? Six into $500 mil = $83 mil. But -- there's gonna be some stuff for ex-wives, taxes, soccer jockstraps for underprivileged wankers, whatEVAHHHH... So, if Rod kacks (hope he doesn't, but I miss Robert Palmer, don't you?)...that means that Skanky-Scrawny-Spawn could easily be worth --

a cool $30 - $40 million.

Whadda silly Orange County Idiot f*ck-up! Hell, with that kinda cash -- gentlemen, the paper bag on the Skanky-Scrawny-Spawn's head isn't even necessary, is it? Question: how much Fugly would you fug in order to get your mitts on that many coconuts? Even if she made you launch into a BLOOD-CURDLING-SHRIEK every time you looked at her?

Moose
Moose

Too bad. I really thought this would be a lasting celebrity marriage. [/sarcasm]

Katie G
Katie G

he probly sobered up & saw her in light, or he saw her dick

why is this "woman" even newsworthy, shes trying to be the next paris

hilton

Moelicious
Moelicious

haha. really?

Didn't they just start going out?! I think this all happened when the site was down...

Jenna
Jenna

Gee...don't you keep up? He came back to his senses and broke it off!