Posts from September 2014

Bastardly Warning: "I look like Adriana Lima" Flu continues…

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 69

Seriously now, I’m to believe that guys out there are telling girls they look like Adriana Lima just to get into their pants. We came across this link and she’s been told she looks like Adriana Lima. Check out the forum for yourself!!!

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Mike the Vegan vs. Perkoff: A Bastardly Matchup

  by 53

Sorry ladies, I know we said we’d never post The Vegan again we had to put Perkoff against someone!!!

This matchup was made courtesy of this comment by Perkoff:

10. Perkoff

I think a chick must own this site, guys have better things to do than care about stupid celebrities.

We got curious and checked out his site. Moe and I though, hmm.. who could we put him up against in a fair Bastardly Matchup…why, none other than our favorite fire crotch, Mike the Vegan.

Lesson Learned: if you try to rip on us here at The Bastardly and are stupid enough to let us find a picture of you, we will do something bastardly back to you. Cheers!

Here’s Perkoff!!!

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Curley Jackie Guerrido @ Premios Juventud Awards 2005

 early in the evening, before sex by 18

Jackie Guerrido goin’ w/ a grungy, Paulina Rubioesque look. I personally liked her w/ the straight hair, but I guess nothing’s wrong w/ some healthy experimentation if you’re already amazingly hot, right? Regardless, once your line of sight gets below the neck, it’s like jumping into an endless ocean of rose petals, my friends. MILF heaven, I tell you!!

Here are a few snaps from the award show. Keep an eye on Jackie’s killer thighs. Those babies are potentially lethal, for God’s sake!!

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Paris Hilton: The Mastwhore Socialite

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 28

Paris Hilton is officially the Mastwhore*. If you’re a socialite & want to learn the art of whoring, have your checkbooks & video cameras ready to roll. Paris will get your socialite ass into exclusive parties, clubs, & upscale hotel rooms where you can play suckie-suckie on video—yes on video!!!

Oh, and what do you do if you’re an ugly socialite?! No worries, all you ugly ducklings!! Just look @ Kimberly Stewart, for God’s sake! She flaunts her ugliness w/out a second thought. I would pity her, but you gotta admit, daddy’s millions in the bank more than make up for God’s vicious bitch slapping as her genes lined up inside her mommy’s womb.

*Master + Whore = Mastwhore

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Bai Ling In Love With A Margarita King Bottle!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 21

The Margarita King party photos have been absent from the site as of late & that’s primarily because the photographer I used to grab photos from has been MIA for the last few months. Who the hell wouldn’t get tired following around a bald headed business man who’s night routine is to throw crazy parties w/ drunk, hot & occasionally famous women. I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: Damn you, Margarita King, damn you & damn your scandalous lifestyle.

Ok, one more topic of concern: Bai Ling in bed. I want to think that this lady will be like a lunatic in bed, but I’m beginning to think it’s all a front. Bai Ling’s obviously an expert @ capturing attention & for this very reason, I’m going to bet that when she’s in her long-nippled nakedness, ready to take care of some sexual business, she probably closes up just like any roly-poly would upon sensing danger from an approaching toddler (or in Bai Ling’s case, a horny, Asian-lovin’ director or producer).

Here are some photos of Bai Ling masturbating in front of the camera (not really).

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Bastardly Blog: Elyse Sewell In The House

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 14


Elyse Sewell & Joey Yung lookin’ super juicy! Ow!!

Well, Elyse (the chick on the left) writes over here & apparently has a huge following. As I am an expert skimmer (not really), after a few minutes of scrounging around on her blog for more photos for this entry, I learned that Elyse is some sort of model who currently resides in Hong Kong & travels around the Asia doing shoots*. Pretty solid lifestyle, I must admit!!

* Read Ms Sewell’s bloggie

*I think

Paris Hilton Posing: Lazy Eyein' Through Halloween

 in the weewizzle hours by 26


Yesterday we posted photos from the scandalous Halloween bash @ the Playboy Mansion & had one pic of Paris & her fellow protowhores.

Well, by request, here are a few pics of Paris & her costume that special night that probably ended in a huge gangbang involving many Greek shipping heirs. Damn them all.

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Bastardly Polls: Ass Sucks Ass & Hot People

 after a late four martini lunch by 52

Our latest poll on Ass’ latest album (by request) revealed some interesting results.

1. 14% are clinically deaf, blind & probably reside in the red states
2. 84% of people hate Ass. Of course, of those in the 84% (around 8%) once thought they might like Ass, but then faced the music & ran for the nearest pawn shop. If you were in that 8%, we forgive you.

Conclusion: Ass sucks ass.

Now, for our next poll: Hottest people around the world. This poll will go on for a month, so we’ll have a real good idea of who’s hot & who’s not! Also, we need more sistahs & brothas to show some love!!

One last thing! If you want, you can post links to photos & websites in order to prove your point as to who’s the hottest. There is no way in hell that the Americans & W. Europeans are the hottest people. Thankfully, Latinos are a close second…

Here’s a snapshot of the poll from earlier this morning…

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