Posts from July 2014

2005 Monkey Festival: Real Monkeys & Olsen Monkeys!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 13


Monkey with soft drink in Lopburi, Thailand. Funky lookin’ Olsen Monkey in NYC. Images come courtesy of Getty Images.

Here @ The Bastardly, we never pass up an opportunity to post pictures of monkeys. With the world renowned (not really) Monkey Festival in northern Thailand going on, we decided to post cool pictures from the festival in conjunction with the Olsen Monkeys!

Enjoy, fellow monkey lovers!

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Body Double: Trishelle Cannatella & Michele Chagas

  by 8

Ok, the similarity is not as big as I had hoped, but most of these body doubles suck ass anyway, so whatever.

Since Ms. Trishelle Cannatella played the role of the token whored-out, slutty white chick when she made her TV debut on the Real World: Las Vegas, we gotta plug another one of her great works of sexual art.

Check out a scandalous scene out of Trishelle’s Emmy Award winning (just maybe!) The Scorned: Unrated when your boss is out for lunch. Download it here (8MB).

Jackson has done well in covering Michele Chagas, so here are a couple pics of Trishelle wearing a super-short-ultra-mini-skirt. She helps to give “I’m-ready-for-sex-@-anytime,-any-place” a whole new meaning! Go Trishelle!!

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The Bastardly Evening News - Nov. 28, 2005

 late in the afternoon while still at work by 3


It looks like Petra Nemcova will be attending holiday parties alone…
In hopes to do this on a daily basis (probably not), I will grab a bunch of links from quality blogs from around the gossip blogosphere (I feel like such a geek using that word) for your clicking pleasure.

If anyone else reads a lot of other blogs through out the day & would like to head-up the Bastardly Evening News, please do get in touch with me. It would involve:

1. Posting a bunch of links (around 10 or so) from other quality gossip blogs (easy)
2. You can add your own bit of humor into the News if would like to get creative (fun)
3. Preferably do this on a daily basis around 3-5 PM EST (easy?)

I know there are some wildly creative people out there, so please do email!

* Bai Ling was voted off VH1′s But Can They Sing?. Fucking haters!!! [Dlisted]
* Michael Jackson Hates Jews—except Jewish boys! [The Bosh]
* The Great Wall of TomKat (I love it!) [Just Jared]
* Bloody Mr. Miyagi waxed off this world [Yeeeeah Blog]
* The Junk Queen is still MIA!! Dude, this is not cool. [Junk Feud]
* Paris Hilton believed in Santa until she was 17. [A Socialite's Life]
* Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar vs. Athina and Dodi. Creatively hilarious! [The Crosair]

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Talan Torriero: The Ugliest Kimberly Is Kimberly Stewart

 in the middle of the afternoon by 10

This is Google confirmed information, so it must be true.. You can see for yourself.

So what exactly is Talan Torriero doing?

The Bastardly Theory
I’m going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt & assume that he’s on Rod Stewart’s ultra-secret “Superficial Friends of Kimberly” payroll. Just out of curiosity, does this dude get paid by each hour he’s around Kimberugly or is he a salaried friend (this option involves (God forbid) sex with Kimberly, so be wary prospective employees)?!

Bastardly Question: Are You Aubrey O'Day's #1 Fan?!?!?!

 after a late four martini lunch by 59

Hopefully Blender doesn’t email us to sue about posting this pic.

We here at The Bastardly view a lot of comments where kids proclaim themselves as so-and-so’s “#1 fan.” Well, this one caught our attention and with our girl Aubs burning up Google searches we thought we’d see if Tashaun really stacks up as Aubrey’s #1 fan:

Name: TASHAUN

HI AUBREY I LOVE U AND I AM ONLY 17 AND LIVE IN NEW YORK I REALLY WANT TO GET T TALK 2 U . DO U HAVE A MAN BECAUSE SINCE I SEEN U ON MTB3 I HAVE NOT LIKED SOMEONE BUT U . AND 2 ME YOUR THE PERFECT GIRL. I WANT TO MOVE TO PALM SPRINGS BECAUSE OF U .IM NOT A STALKER SO DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT AND IM NOT A BAD PERSON SO IF U WE CAN EXCHANGE E-MAILS I’LL BE HAPPY

THANK YOU
YOUR #1 FAN TASHAUN

Jennifer Garner Is Ben Afleck's Pregnant Slave

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 5

Poker players are heartless, I tell you!

Ben’s ruthlessness reminds me of a crazy poker-fanatic-”friend” in college. I was a little tight one month & had to find a creative way of paying rent money. Due to excessive partying, I think I fell around $125 short, so naturally I figured I’d pawn my precious, clay poker chips to my crazy friend. Thinking he would show pity & buy it off me for $125 (I had bought a set of 100 chips for around $150), my friend turns around & starts to bargain with my ass. All the while I’m laying on the ground with a fucking dagger inside my stomach & this guy’s bargaining with me. Truly bastardly, I tell you. At the end of the day, I think he bought it off me for $75 or something. Son of a bitch, Snake.

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