I say, after Dukes comes out & miserably flops later this year, the Nick & Jessica separation process will go into full speed. We’ll stick to our Bastardly prediction of the inevitable breakup just days before Thanksgiving dinner. [Bastardly Prediction of Nick & Jessica Breakup]

And, we were so damn close!

For some reason, this is one of those breakups where I feel people won’t really give a shit. It was so damn “in-your-face-fake” that it’s literally beyond me how they managed to postpone it until now. I guess they both had to wait until they had some time off (not that Nick Lachey is doing anything these days).

Regardless, Thanksgiving is an ideal time to breakup as it provides plenty of sleeping-around opportunities following various holiday parties (they are plentiful, as we all know). If the holiday parties fail to bear fruit, then the New Year’s bash never fails—the classic “3-2-1-make-out-and-head-to-the-nearest-bedroom” plan. I have a feeling Nick’s on a flight right now to hook up with Jessica Jaymes. I believe he has some unfinished business w/ her…Damn you Nick!!

Nick had no career while he was w/ Jessica, so he & his penis are free to roam the hearts & bodies of friendly socialite whores. As for Jessica, I truly pity her. Her downfall began the day she signed on the dotted line for Dukes. See you on E! True Hollywood Stories, Jessica!

The next blockbuster breakup is of course the downfall of Britney & Kevin. I gave them 18 months from the time they tied the knot, so there’s still a good bit of time left until Kevin Federline realizes his sanity might be worth more than the bottomless pit of dough (this might take time as greed is a key factor).

In closing, here’s what Jessica said in some lame-ass press release:

Hopefully mine and Nick’s story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed, through sickness and in health. [Jessica Simpson, Yahoo News]

Dumb whore.