Posts from July 2014

(Slowly) Changing Servers!

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 3

Sorry for the downtime over the weekend.

Also, posting will be light over the next week or so b/c we’re in the processs of moving our goodies to a new server! Since our luck pretty much sucks ass, I’m sure this will be a real painful process!

Toodles!

Horny Bill O'Reilly: The Filafel Terrorist With A Job!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 6

I love SF, so I can’t let this one slide. I will now review two statements by Bill O’Reilly: one current & one in the not-so-distant past.

Just for fun, let’s hit the statement in the past first, so we can help put things in perspective.

So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs & getting yoru nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind…and then I would take the other hand with the filafel thing and I’d put it on your pussy, but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business…[Read more @ The Smoking Gun]

A short time after Horndog Billy’s statements surfaced in court documents, he was back on the air. American can be so unforgiving sometimes. Now, Billyboy has retracted the filafel & become the first ever republican member of al-Qaeda.

And if al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we’re not going to do anything about it,” he said. “We’re going to say, look every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower, go ahead. [Read more & watch the actual video @ One Good Move]

It’s pretty safe to assume that the only way Bill O’Reilly will ever be fired from Fox will be if he can manage to sneak his way into the White House & get his filafel within firing distance to Laura Bush’s naked body.

Petra Nemcova: Single & Delicious. Any Takers?

 after a late four martini lunch by 9


The first anniversary of the S. Asian tsunami is slowly creeping up on millions of people all around the world. It will surely be a time of mourning in which a short supply of shoulders will serve as weak levies holding back an ocean of raging tears. So yes, be kind & lend your shoulder out to a stranger for a few minutes b/c you never know who this stranger could be…

Enter: Petra Nemcova. As you all know, she lost her beloved boyfriend, Simon Atlee, to the vicious tsunami & today she remains lost in a prolonged state of confusion as she comes to terms with the true meaning of her life. Naturally, many men have taken it upon themselves to lure the Czech beauty into their bedrooms over the last 10 months, but none have been successful (yet).

Here are the brave souls who tried to venture into deep labyrinths of Petra’s heart. Check it!

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Nicole Richie's Book Signing @ Virgin Mega Store

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Excuse the language.

If Nicole can manage to win/swindle a Pulitzer Prize for her latest work, then I’ll never cease to doubt the powers of fame & money.

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Mariah Carey & Mr. Donatella Versace

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I know Mariah & Dons must be the best of friends, but it has to hit Donatella that Mariah is merely using her ass to look better in photos. As superficial as that sounds, there’s some truth in the statement, God damn it. I’d almost feel sad for Donatella, but since she has millions in the bank & probably gets to tame her sexual rage by having sex with countless 20-year old male models, I have a feeling that she doesn’t really give a shit if she looks like a dude or a tranny with a cheap wig, for that matter.

Below are two photos: First, there’s Mariah looking pretty hot & secondly, we have an Anti-Fur ad by the bastards @ PETA. What would the world do w/out our friends @ PETA?

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Martii Garcia - A Bastardly Interview

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Photos courtesy of Martii Garcia

Martii is also one of my favorites from season 1 of the Making the Band 3 that I’m bias towards. However, it ain’t like she’s been doing nothing since her time onn the show ended. She’s been quite the busy body and we were fortunate to catch her for a Bastardly Interview. Check out her official website for the latest news, more sexy pictures, and listen to some hot tracks on her Myspace page. I wanted to get her persepctive of the show and I learned that Diddy won’t hold Martii down from driving towards her ultimate goal.

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Bastardly Run-on Sentence Review: Closer

 in the weewizzle hours by 8


Photo © Sony Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

So yeah, I shit you not, but I’ve had this flick sitting on my desk for the last 2.5 months (thank you Blockbuster.com) & for some odd reason I’ve neglected it b/c I have this thing with movies where I feel like spending 1.5-2hrs watching a particular flick is a complete waste of my time (not that writing this isn’t, or anything), so I waited & waited until tonight, when I felt the urge to waste my time & let me tell you, my friends, it was time well wasted because as I watched this simple, yet oddly super complex movie unfold, I felt as if I was sitting inside the Palace Theatre on Broadway (assuming I had a few hundred to burn), front row, center b/c the dialogue was deliciously simple, yet effective, the story even simpler & of course, it had scandal, money & beauty—3 tenants of a bastardly life, mind you—and with that in hand, my favorite scene had to be the long exchange inside that one room between Stripper Natalie Portman & the super depressed & totally fucked up Clive Owen, so yeah, open your scandalous minds & watch this movie when you feel like wasting some quality time b/c the only downer had to be Julia Roberts’ face—of which I am not a particular fan.

Spain's Crazy Matadors & Their Godsend Surgeons

 in the weewizzle hours by 19


Photo: Ed Simnett 2001

One rising star, 22-year-old Sebastian Castella, was fighting the first of his two bulls of the day during the all-important bullfights in Seville this spring when the animal thrust a horn clean through his thigh.

Spurning help from his handlers and dripping blood, Mr. Castella killed the bull. He refused medical treatment, bandaged himself and then waited half an hour to fight his second bull, which he also killed. Only then did he agree to go to the infirmary to treat a severed sciatic nerve, which is often excruciatingly painful. Later in the season, after another series of gorings, Mr. Castella fought for three weeks with two open wounds in his legs. [WSJ]

Pretty solid read for those of you kids aspiring to enter the lucrative career of a matador surgeon. I bet that due to their daily interactions w/ widely acclaimed matadors, these surgeons get a hold of some amazing ass in the process.

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