Posts from September 2014

Paris Hilton Posing: Greek Shipping Heir Juice

 late in the afternoon while still at work by 36

Girls, do you see the damage that Greek Shipping Heir Juice can do when it gets into your eyes?! I’m pretty sure that the potential amount of money that can be obtained by allowing a billionaire Greek shipping heir to explode into your wide-open eyes is well worth the trouble.

Don’t deny it, girls.

View All Photos ›

Skinny Hillary Duff & Dirty J. Madden Contemplate Sex Video

 after a late four martini lunch by 116


Star Magazine, Nov-14, 2004

Joel is here in the U.K. with me and we bought video cameras so we were joking around, acting like we were on ‘Newlyweds.’ [SF Gate]

Scandalous path to their first sex video: First they fool around pretending to be on Newlyweds, then the clothes come off & BOOM!

‘Houston, we have Horse Porn!’

Oh man, I’m sure computer geeks & those biten by the horse fetish bug anxiously await the release.

In a Bastardly interview (one of those interviews in which we ask Hilary questions & accept answers that are taken out of context from stuff Hills has said in the past), we caught up with these two lovebirds to measure the progress of their sex video:

The Bastardly: Hillary, we hear you guys just bought video cameras, so naturally the next step is creating your own sex video & spreading it all across the internet, right?

Hillary: I’m definitely not planning on anything like that anytime soon. And if I did, I would not make a huge thing about it. [SF Gate]

So there you have it, kids. Hillary & Joel don’t have immediate plans for a sex video, but when it does eventually surface, don’t expect them apologize or incessantly talk about it.

View All Photos ›

Anna Nicole Smith Showcases The Crack Whore Smile

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 11

Anna-Nicole has a man. What the hell is going on? She mysteriously disappears for a few weeks & then suddenly comes out from under the rock w/ a boy toy? The disappearance, like all celebrity disappearances, could only mean that Anna spent some time under the knife (again). What this time?!

As for this guy, apart from definitely packin’ a lot of dough, I’m pretty sure that he’s either gay or has a few loose screws in his head & by the looks of these photos, either one could be possible.

Here are a few more pics from the set.

View All Photos ›

Fox Pre-Game: Pamela Anderson's Financial Gameplan

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 3

Here come a bunch of old posts that were scheduled to go up during our downtime…

Pam Anderson (even though she’s looking more & more like Dolly P) is a bottomless pit of money.

1. Bay Watch residuals (millions)
2. Pam Anderson slot machines in Vegas (estimated @ around a million/year—saw this on the Travel Channel)
3. Porno with Tommy Lee residuals (probably nothing & can be downloaded on the Internet)
4. And now, a mute with big boobs on Fox News—probably gets paid by the game.
5. Party invites
6. Sex with super rich men—a lot of women in power have sex for gifts (also known as “funds wired into a bank account of your choice”)

Amazing, I tell you.

Stavros Niarchos: Crashes Car & Nearly Kills Paris

 in the weewizzle hours by 9


First, for those of you who haven’t seen the video of drunk Stavros recklessly ramming Paris’ Bentley into a (stationary) white truck, you can watch it over @ TMZ.com.

Now with that in hand, Stavros is either a…

1. Complete dumbass
2. Horrible, angry, & unpredictable drunk
3. Or, of course, a billionaire hitman hired by the coalition of Greek shipping heirs to help put an end to Paris Hilton*.

Dude, if you want to fucking crash a car, do it like a true suicidal, drunk billionaire, man. Idea: Go the opposite way on the 405 @ around 3am in the morning (when the traffic happens to be moving) & I’m sure you can take care of business in style.

*He failed miserably.

View All Photos ›

Richard Sandrak Sends His Regards

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 102

This guy was @ Fiddy’s new movie premiere. How the hell did Richie get an invite?!

Anyway, for those who are totally oblivious of Mr. Sandrak’s rise to fame, please direct your attention to this post from earlier this year. Don’t bother reading the comments as they are mostly written by obsessed 13-year old chicks who think Richard is their best friend (and, oh yeah, they all secretly want to sleep with Richard, but remain lost in a desert of denial).

Beowulf Angelina Jolie vs Hard Nippled Jennifer Aniston

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 190

That’s Angie on the set of Beowulf. Maybe one day J. Aniston can also get her ass into a serious movie with some real punch behind it. It’s rumored that she used & abused Brad’s connections & once she was through, she ruthlessly let him go. What’s a man to do when faced with such adversity?

With that in hand, three questions still remain (yes, even after all these months):

1. Who’s really the bad one here?
2. Is it Angelina’s fault that God made her so damn beautiful?
3. Can you blame Brad for wanting to spread the love from one woman to another? Everyone does it, baby!

Now, let’s turn our attention to Jennifer Aniston’s nipples. If you girls want your nipples to stand up when you’re in public places, such as malls, grocery stores, carnivals, etc, please learn something from Jennifer.

View All Photos ›
« First...567891011