MoeJackson

My intention was to watch Aeon Flux & see why everyone was bashing the film to no end b/c come on, it can’t be that fucking bad since it had Charlize Theron jumping around looking sexy in tight-tight clothes through the entire flick, so yeah, i missed Aeon Flux b/c movie theatres in the United States these days are taking severe cost cutting measures during matinee shows (which already cost around 7bucks (capitalist bastards)) and hiring only one 8th grader to run the entire fucking show, so that naturally created a huge ass glut @ the popcorn line that included me, along with three cheapo families with waay too many damn kids in front of my ass to get their hands on what seemed like, every damn item on the menu, so by the time I finished getting my kids meal (it comes w/ a M&Ms, drink & popcorn! All for 6bucks!! RIPPPPOFF!), the previews were long gone & Aeon Flux had already started, so my buddy & I screwed that idea & just walked our asses into a 5:30 showing of King Kong (REVIEW STARTS HERE)—the same movie responsible for Peter Jackson’s miraculous weight loss & not to mention, also the same flick that had a final tab of about $200 mil, so doing some quick math, I figured my money would go far, but alas, I was somewhat disappointed & things contributing to this disappointment include (obviously) the length—I was going to walk out @ two points: First when the gorilla & Naomi Watts were “sleeping together” on top of that cliff & that stupid, long-nosed dude decided to erect his penis in front of a huge ass gorilla & save Naomi’s pasty ass and the second time I had the urge to leave was when all the dinosaurs were running in that valley & no one fucking died (I’m sorry, but imaging the possibility of sex between a huge-ass gorilla & Naomi Watts was already pushing the envelope), so yeah, the length was a major downer, & even though the computer animation was pretty, damn crazy, I would’ve cut 50% of Jurassic Park out of the middle of the flick & took the Gorilla to NYC much quicker in order to ultimately cut the flick to a decent 1.5-2hrs-tops, but at the end of it all, I have to admit, Peter Jackson had me feeling sorry for King Kong & hopeful that he would conquer the mighty United States military, prove to the world that his aggression was mainly due to years of pent up sexual tension that only Naomi Watts could release (I’m sure the adult movie industry is hard @ work on this one, although I’m pretty sure their version of King Kong will be some super buff dude wearing a horrible rent-a-king-kong-costume), so there you have it my friends, if you have time, money & the patience to sit through 3+ hr flick in which Naomi Watts doesn’t get naked & it ends with a brutal murder of an innocent gorilla in love, then King Kong is the movie for you!!!