Posts from September 2014

Bai Ling vs Ziyi Zhang: A Fobbed Out Bastardly Match Up!

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So yes, this match up was inevitable, so if you had a choice to spend one day (and possibly a night), who would it be? Here are the scandalous facts:

1. One makes her country proud by doing Chinese oriented flicks, while the other was on the cover of Playboy & shot porno scenes in front of an audience for VH1’s But Can They Sing?
2. Ms Zhang dresses fairly conservatively and Bai Ling can’t seem to keep her long nipples in their cage @ various award shows.

The Classic Ice-Cream Comparison
If Ziyi Zhang & Bai Ling were ice-cream flavors, I’d have to say that Bai Ling would be double-chocolate-tripple-brownie-chunkie-rocky-road. As for Ziyi Zhang? Vanilla.

I’m sorry, people, but I’d have to choose Bai Ling between the two fobbers, only because she’d be a blast to be around. She’s kinky, free-spirited and can sing the great hits (in bed)!! Apart from a simple brownbag for her head if things happen to go down & we have to turn down the lights, what more could you possibly want from a woman?

Here are a few more pics of both women to help make your decision-making easier.

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Sexy Kari Ann Peniche Gettin' Dirty With Real World Nehemiah

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One of our investigative reporters (yes, they are all over the place, so be wary) caught a few lovely pics of the beautiful Kari Ann Peniche of Miss Rebellious Teen USA & Playboy fame. We’re in the process of getting a nice interview with this scrumptious beauty, so we’ll be sure to ask a few questions linked to this minor incident. In the day & age of going out one week & getting engaged the next, a little making out, groping & sleeping around is absolutely minors!!! No worries, Kari Ann!

Our anonymous emailer wrote in with these conniving words:

I caught Kari Ann Peniche Miss Teen USA Playboy model out at a club in Corvalis Oregon enter with MTV Austin Real World Neimiah… they were tearing it upon the dance floor and making out the entire time! It was almost disgusting to watch they were all over each other! But the thing is her boyfriend Portland Club PromoterJB (also photo’s attatched) had no idea because he was in Portland only 40 miles aways! I’m sure he’ll know now! [Scandalous Reporter]

There are a couple more pics below—one’s with her current boyfriend that was apparently taken @ another time, as mentioned above. Now, how did this emailer get a photo of Kari Ann w/ her man?! This entire email obvious sounds pretty damn shady, but we’re posting it anyway b/c Kari Ann is super cute & useless gossip that probably 90% of you don’t give a shit about is always fun to have, right?

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Real World Melinda: A Slutty Role Model?

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Lisa, a fellow Bastardly Commenter, lays down her feelings about Melinda from Real World:

I love Melinda! I look up to her, shes great! I dont think that shes a slut-i just think that she wants to get more attention. She loves Danny!!!!! [Lisa, Real World, Austin: Drama Queen or Slut?]

* Is she a slut? You decide

The Bastardly Evening News - Dec. 6, 2005

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I was getting anally raped @ work today, so please excuse the delay :-).

Before I lay down the links, please support our Bastardly Ads, you lazy ass people!! When you see something cool, click it & check out what they have to offer. Most of the time it’s not lame shit people want you to buy (like the ads we have going now). We need to help for shots @ bars as we unsuccessfully try to woo beautiful women, so help us out! Anyway, I played Seinfeld* trivia and lost miserably, although I think I was playing against a computer (I hope not, b/c I was trash talking & no one was responding).

Now for the linkies!!

* J. Aniston is threatening to sue the world if they look at her boobs. Attention whorebitch. [A Socialite's Life]

* Uh-oh, I think I want you now
Oh yeah, I think I want you crazy
Oh-uh, gotta have you now
Want you so bad lately
Want you so bad lately

Those are deep lyrics from Brooke Hogan’s latest attempt @ music. [JustJared]

* Knight Rider episodes available on bloody iTunes!! I might just have to bag one of those video iPods now! [TVgasm]

* Britney’s fairytrailer life might be coming to an abrupt end just like K. Federline’s access to his “easy-sex-mobile” (aka the Ferrari). [City Rag]

* J-Lo is the new J-Ug. [Hollywood Tuna]

* Whitney lays down the truth about the new breed of branded musicians. [Concrete Loop]

* Don’t expect a Saw III anytime soon, but it comes at the price of its creator’s untimely death. Peace be upon him. [Defamer]

*The last quality show to come on TV—Friends, for the most part, sucked ass too

Jack Osbourne Dating Hollywood Whore, Kimberly Stewart!!

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The interlocked fingers = doggie style, blow job, & a hug after sex. Godspeed, Jack.

If Jack Osbourne ever had a career (hah), he can now kiss it goodbye. He really bit the ugly fish this time around. Jack, with all the slutty, hot bitches you could land in Santa Barbara , why settle for Hollywood’s verison of the Career Poison Pill? I’m going to assume heavy use of coke and/or meth impaired his sexual decision making skills.

Why is Kimberly Stewhore on a whoring-spree w/ C-, D-Listers?! Is this a horrible attempt to mimic Paris or what?! We’re not scared of who she’s sleeping with, we’re just scared of the fact that she’s sleeping around in heavy frequency. The frequency of her spreading her legs is directly proportional to the possibility of a (God forbid) sex video being leaked on the Internet.

You just have to assume that one of these bastards will get her fucked up & manage to shoot some kind of kinky video staring a (God forbit) naked Kimberly Stewart! Ok, I think I need to take a yackatori break.

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Peter Jackson No Longer A Fat Ass. Loses 350lbs!!!

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Literally shocking!! Was he on the Subway Diet or what?!!?

Wow. I gotta congratulate the guy & hope that he gives 800lb Michael Want-Moore-Food a little pep talk about shaping up so that the hot women he’s currently sexing up can breathe a sigh of relief.

I mean, there are countless women who will have sex with a 500lb’er in return for financial security, but rumor has it that most of these Michael Moore victims spend around an hour puking their brains out following a sexual session full of sounds courtesy of extremely heavy breathing & of course, ass slapping against stomach fat. Yummy. Regardless of the mental & physical torture that comes with the territory, I’m sure the rosy fields packed with perennial shopping sprees & exotic trips around the globe are well worth the whored-out trouble.

Ok, sorry for the mini-Michael Moore digression. As for Peter Jackson, the guy is truly an interesting personality. Check this article for more info.

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Wasted Michelle Rodriguez & Alcoholic Cynthia Watros

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Honolulu cops nabbed Michelle Rodriguez, 27, and Cynthia Watros, 37, just past midnight after spotting their cars weaving on the Kalaniana’ole Highway, which connects Kailua and Honolulu. The women, both of whom failed field sobriety tests, were each charged with driving under the influence and released after posting $500 bail. [The Smoking Gun]

There is a thick-ass line that separates casual drunks from alcoholics.

Michelle Rodriguez, seeing how she’s 27, is sprinting her way across this line into alcoholic territory. We wish her luck. But Cynthia Watros, on the other hand, is an alcoholic all the way. There’s no reason for a 37 year old woman to party to the point she decides to drive home completely drunk off her ass. Seriously, man.


Bottomline: These women must have some amazing friends!

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Basso & Brooke: Where Design & Music Have Crazy Sex

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All selections from Basso & Brooke’s show @ London 2006 S/S Women Ready to Wear

Mere words cannot describe what Basso & Brooke put before the audience at this particular show, so dive into the photos if you’re into this kind of stuff! There are plenty of crazy ones in there, but I thought they were all pretty cool (in a drugged out kind of way).

I have a couple more sets from shows in Milan & Paris, so be on the look out, fashionwhores!

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