I hope all of you are enjoying your holidays. Remember, don’t drink & have ugly sex. It’s not worth it. Have a DHA (Designated Hottie Approver) close by to approve of certain chicks/dudes if things happen to take a sexual turn.
As for the photo above, I think I got Mommy Osbourne down, but the other kiddies have fairly complicated looks on their faces—especially Jack.
Everyone relates me to that man, and I have nothing to do with him. [Wafah Dufour in Jan’s GQ Mag via Sydney Morning Herald]
Ok, time for some horrible one-liners…
1. Who wants to bomb this chick?
2. She can fly into my heart any time, baby!
3. The Feds will surely be all over her…
4. It’s about time!! A prisoner abuse video that will finally revolutionize the prisoner abuse video industry! Ow!!
Ok, now your turn.
It’s true & fairly obvious from the looks of these delicious photos that this lady is a plastic, conniving whore, but, if given the opportunity to triple-bag your precious goodies, there aren’t too many heterosexual guys out there who wouldn’t want to take a dive into Victoria Beckham.
Come on now, she falls into the same, damn category as Paris Hilton: You’d do her just for the life-long bragging rights to friends & family. I mean, girls would jump all over you just knowing that your penis (even though it was triple/quadruple-bagged @ the time of the sexual encounter) was once inside Paris Hilton or Victoria Beckham. Average girls would, in a sense, feel they’re only one penis-degree away from, say, D. Beckham’s Penis, so yeah, the possibilities are endless, my friends.
Ok, enough penis talk. Posh decided to wear the Tess Smith Dress (different color, same prostitute aura) to one of the world’s gayest weddings thrown by The world’s gayest man. What the hell was she thinking? Well, maybe she’s so full of herself that she thought she could actually make a gay man in attendance cross the sexual tracks & fall for her slutty ass. Poshie is always thinking, I tell you!! I love it.
Below are a few obscenely large photos of her in the Tess Smith Dress, so enjoy.
* I did not think it was possible to despise and be disgusted by Kirsten Dunst more than I already do. This undeserving, pasty skinned, white-trash, saggy breastified, jacked toofed, no skillz ho-bag just gave me (and everyone else) another reason to want to kick her face in. Bitch parks in handicap spaces. I have no particular love for the crips either way, but this shit is just fucked up. I hope she gets Christopher Reeved…bitch. [WWTDD]
* This news fukkin rules! I was all depressed and shit when I found out Scarlett Johansson was going out with Josh Harnett, as it meant that Ms. Johansson would not be snacking on my sausage anytime soon. Hope is back, bitches!!! Scarlett broke it down to her man that she wants more D - she’s down with open relationships - SW33T. Sucks for Josh, rules for me. Scarlett, you gots my digits, give a holla… [Yeeeah]
* Color me dumbfounded. The knowledge has dropped the Johnny Knoxville knows how to read!!! Fo’ reals! Even more astounding is that he is using his reading skills and combining them with writing and is “authoring” (and I use that term veeeeeery loosely) a novel. I bet it will have lots of pictures…and may even be a popup book. [Jossip]
* As you may have figured out by now, unless you are seriously mentally challenged, the Chappelle Theory noted yesterday is a hoax. Anyways, although that was a hoax, the Cosby Theory is not…it explains the evil and mysterious reasons why The Cos no longer sports those fancy sweaters he used to rock back in the day. [CosbyTheory]
As you may have heard or seen on TV, Elton John & David Furnish recently tied the knot & threw quite possibly one of the pimpest weddings in recent homosexual & heterosexual marriage history. Congrats to both lads.
One of Elton’s art dealer buddies, Jay Joppling, described the emotional final moments of the reception.
They kissed at the end. It was very, very happy. It was just like any other couple getting married. [Daily Mail]
I’m sure it was just like any other wedding where two grown men share the pleasure of playing tongue twister for a few seconds. Then again, if Elton paid me millions for pieces of art, I’d play suckie-suckie on his ass, as well.
Anyway, here are a few photos (a honeymoon-sex trailer, if you will) of Elton giving the public a sultry preview of the many faces he’ll make each & every night of his long, thick, rough honeymoon period…yummy!
Okay, so don’t deny it! You all can’t get enough The OC!!! Fine, I can’t. Well, I thought, why not make a matchup of Kirsten the alcoholic and Julie the trailer trash. One is the supposed good mother who can’t cook. The other is Newport’s own manipulative bitch. Now, both are an upgrade from Mrs. Walsh on 90210. But the question remains: who is more MILFilicious???
And now, let us dive into the Financial Times’ latest interview/”gloating-session” with Mistress Mariah Carey. So, what are M’s thoughts on The Moola?
What stopped her from taking on more commercial ventures earlier in her career, she says, was that she could not understand why some other stars seemed to need “this excess of money�. But she has since realised: “The more famous you become the more money you actually need.�
The need for time off and privacy from prying photographers means “you start to look for places that are very, very, very high end, that are very private, that are very, you know, expensive.� She would be a singer “if I never made a dime from it,� she insists. But her music was, from the start, also “a way out, and a way to not be struggling and not to be in fear of the rug being pulled out from under me�. [Financial Times via The Mariah Network (scroll down)]
Very interesting. As for her famous Glitter debacle, Mariah lays down a simple comparison in support her debut movie.
When she mentions Glitter’s poor showing at the box office, she casually points out that Curtis “50 Centâ€? Jackson’s film, Get Rich or Die Trying, “debuted lower than Glitter and made less money, I believeâ€?. Jackson is the only artist ahead of her in the race for bestselling album of the year in the US.
And lastly, what’s Mariah’s take on why EMI booted her prostitute ass to the curb (w/ $28 mil check in her custom LV bag)?
So where did EMI go wrong? The answer, she says, is that they over-worked her by rushing to produce albums to recoup their vast outlay. Furthermore, “they underestimated my talent, and I say that in the most humble way because my talent is a gift from God.�
Check the article (if you’re truly bored @ work) to see how this woman’s mind ticks. If anything, she is a true businesswoman—watching her back @ every second, feverishly reviewing daily sales figures & micromanaging her personal whoring schedule w/ music execs around the globe!
Keep those penises pointed up & those skirts super short!! We love you, Mariah!
* So…any of you cats want to know the real reason Dave Chappelle left his retardedly successful show? I’m not gonna get into much detail, but it involves Oprah, Bill Cosby, Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan and some dude standing on Dave’s chest while he was sleeping. I so want all this to be true… [ChappelleTheory]
* Now I don’t know how many of you keep up with world news and such, but it was recently revealed that Stalin had his scientists working on creating half-man, half-ape super warriors. Supposedly they were not successful in the creation of this new super-race. I believe I may have found evidence to the contrary. Peep these pics of Paris Hilton shoppping…check out her feet in ’em. Bitch got toes that are as long as fingers…looks like them shits got extra joints too. I know she could totally use those things as hands to do all sorts of things…but I’m willing to bet she uses them solely so that she can give handjobs to 4 penises at the same time. Probably not what Stalin had in mind, but it would explain much… [PinkIsTheNewBlog] [- scroll down -]
* Hayden Christiansen got all angry and chased a “fan” down the street when he was accused by said “fan” of ruining the Star Wars movies. He wasn’t the only one that helped destroy my fond childhood memories of Star Wars…but i still would like to gouge his eyes out for assaulting my delicate sensibilites with his leaden “acting” abilities and his vulgar appearance. [Defamer]
* I dunno…many people are talking shit about Hilary Duff, saying she has a “horse face” and big-ass Chicklet teeth. This may be true, but I think she is fully hot and would do her in a minute (literally). Regardless of where you stand on her hotness, homegirl is unarguably a bit grody…here are some pics of her picking her ass (which is normal and nothing to make a big stink about) and some pics of her smelling (or licking) the finger she picked her ass with (which is kinda gross unless yer German). I’d still do her…but I wouldn’t want to suck on her fingers or make out with her - I’m not down with doody in the mouth. [Yeeeah]
DJ AM’s friends have started to talk.
Yes, my friends, rumor has it that DJ AM’s reason for leaving was two-fold.
1. He liked boobies in the face—not bruises.
2. And, the poor guy couldn’t take the guilt of seeing Nicole Richie naked. The eerie feeling of having sex with a boney minor just hitting puberty slithered into his mind. Gross, indeed.
Also, since we have our eyes & ears where few gossip blogs do, we are hearing that Nicole is contemplating gaining some of the weight back. This is very troubling news since history has proven that Nicole Richie does not operate in moderation, but only extremes.
Nicole, the best solution to your problem is to stay out of the limelight & enjoy your daddy’s money. Dude, just chill for the next 50 or so years. There is no reason to leave your mark in this world by being on TV shows, writing books, releasing solo albums & God forbid, “actâ€? in movies. We’ll forgive you.
Now we will proceed to show photos of Nicole from her chubby past & her boney recent past. Enjoy the show.
