Posts from September 2014

Nik Pace Majorly Jipped On Top Model!!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 53

My God. This might beat out Bai Ling’s booting from VH1’s But Can They Sing? Talent & beauty (in Nik’s case) are simply not appreciated these days.

Nik is obviously a victim of being too hot & dangerously looking a little too much like Tyra.

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Body Double: Natalie Portman & Anon Guerriero Model

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 10

The runway photo comes from Guerriero’s showcase @ the 2006 SS Women Ready to Wear Fashion Show in Milan. I wish there was a better photo of Nats to go along w/ the Body Double, but in my 2-min search, this was the best I could find. Oh well.

This is not a true body double b/c for one thing, Natalie Portman is 4’11” & secondly, this chick looks nothing like Natalie Portman upclose (see below).

Here are more pics from the fashion show!

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Syriana…The Soap Opera! - A Bastardly Run-on Sentence Review

 in the weewizzle hours by 10

My God, even though I’m fairly fluent in two of the three languages spoken in this movie, I was still lost & I felt very stupid b/c of it, but what the hell can you do when a fucking movie has 30,000 characters (half of them named Ali, Abdul & Mohammed & one dude who ironically goes by ‘Bob’), so yeah as I was saying, the movie goes into all these screwy tangents and tries to pretty much stuff 3 or 4 distinct movies all into one, and they did all this without even showing Amanda Peet’s nipple (not cool), so props to George Cloney & Matt Damon for earning a few points in the hearts of Middle Easterners as they helped to spread some odd version of what the fuck truly goes on behind the scenes of oil politics and w/ that in hand, I would really like to recommend it to anyone who wants to think & read annoying subtitles while watching a movie (I’m more of a black comedy kind of guy) and apart from that, I rang up a fucking 27$ tab w/ 2tix, medium popcorn & a fucking 3 liter glass of a MEDIUM soda.

Eva Pigford Models P. Puff Diddy Daddy's Latest Whoring Line

 late in the evening by 11

Actually, this is not really from Diddy’s whoring line. This is just what Eva wore to last week’s Top Model party. Very ghettoliciously sexy, indeed.

I have to say, this lady has done wonderfully after winning Top Model. She has made an an amazing list of friends that includes Tyra Bigheadanks, Missy Elliot, Kane West, Whoriah Carey, among others. It’s amazing what a little TV time will do for your career & life.

In terms of dudes, Eva definitely has tremendous potential! First she pleasured possibly gay, definitely bi-sexual, Henry Simmons & these days she’s bangin’ Kerry Rhodes of the NY Jets (at least she’s going in the right direction), but I think she’ll strike gold once she unzips pants belonging to Denzel, Diddy, Fiddy, Jay-Z and all those other rich bastards with extra deep pockets & an even deeper network for her to exploit.

We’ve got our Bastardly eyes on this woman! Go, Evvva!!

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Slutty Mariah Carey @ The 2005 Billboard Awards

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 31

Girls, forget working endless hours in order to get straight As in school.

Just sleep w/ the professor & get the grades, the recommendation letter & even get the bastard to pay your rent (for those of you in college).

Well-timed sex—w/ the right people—will open unimaginable doors in life, so suck in your pride, spread your legs & moan your way to dollabeels, baby!

Mariah Carey: Case in point!

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Aubrey O'Day Makes the Band! - A Bastardly Congratulations!

 in the middle of the afternoon by 177

Okay, really, was there any doubt? Yes, yes, congratulations Aubrey…it’s been a crazy ride from the beginning to the end. I’m sure all of us here at The Bastardly recognize your great talent and hardwork you put throughout this whole effort. Big ups to all the final contestants and congrats to Aubrey, Aundrea, Dawn, Shannon, and Wanita.

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