Posts from July 2014

Big Headed Tyra Banks @ 2006 NAACP Image Awards

 after a late four martini lunch by 31

Tyra Banks is truly an amazing personality who should be cryogenically frozen (as soon as possible, mind you) and preserved for another generation sometime in the (real) distant future to enjoy.

Just a thought.

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Memoirs of a Dirty Whore - A Bastardly Introduction

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 15



Welcome to Memoirs of a Dirty Whore - a new section dedicated to quips, anecdotes, confessions, and inspirational devotionals of the dirty whore variety.

For it is true that inside every prude, every mom, every sister, every Wall Street-workin’, trash-talkin’, baby-totin’ woman lives a dirty little whore, waiting to escape; ready to spread her wings (and her legs) and fly away.

But, forget about the clever adjectives, the deductive reason and all of the associated technicalites of whoredom—this is no more than a call to those women who wish to discontinue the solemn act of suppressing nature in effort to appease convention. Get into contact with your inner dirty whore. Maybe invite it over for coffee. Ask it to take off its jacket and stay awhile. Then sit back, shut the hell up, and listen to what your dirty whore has to say. Who knows? You might just learn something.

Super MILF Ninel Conde @ 2006 Univision Premio Lo Nuestro Awards!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 11

Oh my God.

If there was such a thing as heaven on earth, two places are in direct competition:

1. Jessica Alba’s ass (of course)
2. Univision’s annual Premio Lo Nuestro Awards (or any other Latina-flavored award show)

God damn, I tell you. All the hotties from down south show up in the sexiest gowns & make all heterosexual males around the globe scream in pain. Women can be so evil sometimes, damn it!

Take, Ms. Ninel Conde for example. Apart from modeling & tending to her daughter, this hottie was involved in the Mexican blend of Big Brother. The Mexican blend probably doesn’t have straight-up sex like the European or Turkish versions (b/c Mexicans have self-respect), but I bet the shear hotness of the women makes up for the lack of raunchy Big Brother porn. I don’t know about you guys, but I wouldn’t mind being trapped in a house w/ this woman.

Ok, w/ those juicy words, enjoy the Ninel Conde Show…

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Maddox & Zahara Jolie-Pitt Take A Stroll In Paris

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 8

I think those two kids have been to more places in the world than I’ll travel in my entire lifetime. Damn them.

Angie, please adopt older people from developed countries!! We need some lovin’ too, damn it!!

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Bai Nipple Ling: Down The Bastardly Memory Lane

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 14

What’s going on in Bai Ling’s camp?

I wouldn’t be surprised to soon hear that she’s getting married & then, God forbid, she’s pregnant. I guess everyone has to grow up one day or another, right? Plus, the niche “red-carpet-whore” market is officially void of its token whore. All hot women looking to apply for this potentially lucrative position, please show at least one nipple @ the next award show or if you’re really brave, consult Mr. Kei Kagami to be your personal designer.

Girls who are not famous yet, but still want to apply for the Red Carpet Whore Position, please direct only your most scandalous photos to our HR. Please make sure they’re of appropriate size.

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Neve Campbell vs. Lacey Chabert - Party of Five Bastardly Matchup

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 25

So obviously we know that Lacey done grown up FINE! But we can’t forget how people like Neve too. I can’t really think of anything noteworthy for Neve since Wild Things and in that movie all we really cared about was Denise Richards in “that scene”…since Neve didn’t show us the goodies. Where is Neve Campbell now?

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