Monthly Archives: April 2006

Julia Stiles Not Even Bastardly Brownbag Worthy

16 comments

Wow.

What the fuck happened to this chick? She needs one of those full-body transplants…or something.

Anyway, please go on a clicking rampage below by visiting our friends in the Bastardly Gossip Network! Rock the 40oz, my homies!!!

- Jessica Alba. Nipple. Almost. Fuck. God. Damn. It!!
- Phil @ Yeeeah knows good booty from bad booty. Yummy!!

- What’s Eddy Murphy been up to? Check it!!
- Is it really a surprise that FHM UK chose Kiera Knightley as their Sexiest Bitch in the world?! There should be a minimum cup size in order to make top 50.
- Angelina Jolie’s Today Show interview. Ow!

- Alexandra @ LA.com showcases some buttafaces
- Nicole Richie and DJ AM to marry in July. Divorce is scheduled for September (after Labor Day weekend)
- Natalie Portman has long nipples.

- Alicia Silverstone: Now & Then
- Mandy Moore claims to have unlimited orgasms. Fuck You, Wilmer!!!

- Katharine McPhee’s Boobs: The Real American Idol
- I broke out my can of Tuna today & tasted a slowly spoiling Jennifer Love Hewitt. What the fuck is this woman thinking?!!

More Julia Stiles if you can stand looking @ her…

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Post Pregnancy Melissa Joan Hart is Still Fat

29 comments

As you guys know Melissa Joan Hart delivered her 5 babies sometime in Jan, but it appears her pregnancy diet is still going strong.

It’s been reported that Melissa still eats 2.5 Ultimate Cheeseburgers (the half is gobbled down as a midnight snack), 4 bags of Cheetos & a few fraps from Starbucks through out the day. Melissa, slow it down!! I don’t want to see you on tv or anything, but I’m sure you have some sort of a fan base out there who’s anxiously awaiting your return……….right?

Here’s one more snap of Melissa w/ Mr. Hubs.

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Lady Isabella Hervey & Her Sexy Legs @ MI:3 UK Premiere

19 comments

There’s really no reason for posting this other than what you see above.

Her dress is bland for my tastes & she looks pretty bland herself, but she knows her main assets & I gotta give her props for that.

I like the fact that she’s showing one leg rather than totally ho’ing it by wearing one of those foo-foo-showing mini-skirts. I’m not saying that I don’t dig the occasional foo-foo-showing miniskirts, but class will always outweigh whoredom any day (except those special, long weekends spent in various S. American countries, of course.).

Enjoy more snaps of Lady Isabella Hervey’s yummy legs! For those who want to know more about her, go to the wiki!

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Anal Sex: To Do or Not To Do? A Bastardly Debate

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So yeah, anal sex is a very painful topic (rightfully so) & everyone has their opinions on this topic, so first check out Nodakgirl’s take & leave your own below.

OK. Time to set the record straight on this sucking and up-dah-ass confusion…

Boys, I’m here to tell ya…starting at an EARLY age in the backseat of a car or a janitor’s closet at High School…we chicks have “talked ourselves into loving” blowjobs and up-dah-ass. There’s nothing lovable about stringy, snot-like, slick ooze being shot in my eye or up my nose. The “taste?” You gotta be f*ckin KIDDIN! It’s on par with you hackin’ a lugie and ejecting it into my mouth when we’re lip-locked. Except THAT would be a turn-off to you, right? Whereas me slurping that stringy goo isn’t? Yeah, riiiiiight…

So, like a lot of chicks, I talked myself into giving you the illusion of lovin’ it, because it’s such a HUGE deal to you dudes. And it’s all about mutual fun in the sack, right? So if I make your ego happy, then I get some good lovin’ too! And being senselessly drunk always helped with that Swallow-me-Elmo routine…

Now. Let’s talk about up-dah-ass… If a gal sez she’s “lovin’ it,” she’s fibbing. What we DO or MIGHT get hot about is hearing ourselves say, “Give it to me up my ass, baby!” But once you give the hot meat injection in our bum — jeezuz! The sensation is that your EYEBALLS are gonna pop out of your sockets! (After a night at the Holiday Inn at the Toledo riverfront, I gave it up for good. Not fun. Because I only hang out with guys with Major Packages.) But there IS some payback to the bum-preoccupied-bunch: like when you run into a chunk of constipated tird in her colon! Because us chicks are all on a high-protein/low-carb diet so we can be skinny for you, but since all we’ve been eating lately is “Sharp Cheddar”…I’m so plugged-up even a Roto-Rooter couldn’t help me.

SERIOUSLY…is THAT a turn-on? You wanna shove it in me when I’ve got a rat knockin at my back door? Riiiiiight. And what’s the etiquette for informing you of my road blocked colon with a tird-in-stasis? So Dear John…I dig you. You’ve gotta be one of the funniest dudes on this website! But on this topic, you’re just like my ass: full of compacted shit.

Ladies: can I have a holla?

LOVE YA!
NoDakGirl
Source

The Ailing Maggie Q @ UK Mission Impossible 3 Premiere

23 comments

Someone please stuff a few burgers down this lady’s throat.

It’s pretty damn obvious that Ms. Q failed to look @ herself in the mirror from the point she bought the dress to the time she arrived @ the premiere last night. So with that in hand, the only other place where we can place blame for this fashion atrocity is on the backs of her backstabbing friends. When asked to provide their honest opinion on how she looks in her new dress, they looked Maggie straight in the eye & lied to her by coolly replying, “Oh my God! You look absolutely gorgeous, Maggie!! I think I’m gonna buy the same dress for myself!”

Here are a couple more snaps.

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Is John Legend Sexing Up bin Laden’s Niece, Wafah Dufour?

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…and all this time I thought the dude was gay!

Memo to John Legend: Out of all the women in the world, did you really need to venture inside this woman?! She’s a walking time bomb (not literally, of course). I’m talkin’ about how all terrorist eyes are on her every move & if you’re moving close to where she’s moving, then you better watch your back.

Nothing against Wafah, but she’s a total liability. John Legend should either peacefully dump Wafah (you don’t want upset her…) or take out an insurance policy on his own life. Each night he spends with Wafah & her juicy lips, the level of anger of certain terrorist groups around the globe grows.

Official Bastardly Over/under on the number of months John Legend will be alive if he keeps diving into the presumably hairy Wafah Oil Field…

8-10 months.

Peace be upon you, Johnny.

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