Posts from July 2014

Lady Isabella Hervey & Her Sexy Legs @ MI:3 UK Premiere

 after a late four martini lunch by 19

There’s really no reason for posting this other than what you see above.

Her dress is bland for my tastes & she looks pretty bland herself, but she knows her main assets & I gotta give her props for that.

I like the fact that she’s showing one leg rather than totally ho’ing it by wearing one of those foo-foo-showing mini-skirts. I’m not saying that I don’t dig the occasional foo-foo-showing miniskirts, but class will always outweigh whoredom any day (except those special, long weekends spent in various S. American countries, of course.).

Enjoy more snaps of Lady Isabella Hervey’s yummy legs! For those who want to know more about her, go to the wiki!

View All Photos ›

Anal Sex: To Do or Not To Do? A Bastardly Debate

 after a late four martini lunch by 74

So yeah, anal sex is a very painful topic (rightfully so) & everyone has their opinions on this topic, so first check out Nodakgirl’s take & leave your own below.

OK. Time to set the record straight on this sucking and up-dah-ass confusion…

Boys, I’m here to tell ya…starting at an EARLY age in the backseat of a car or a janitor’s closet at High School…we chicks have “talked ourselves into loving” blowjobs and up-dah-ass. There’s nothing lovable about stringy, snot-like, slick ooze being shot in my eye or up my nose. The “taste?” You gotta be f*ckin KIDDIN! It’s on par with you hackin’ a lugie and ejecting it into my mouth when we’re lip-locked. Except THAT would be a turn-off to you, right? Whereas me slurping that stringy goo isn’t? Yeah, riiiiiight…

So, like a lot of chicks, I talked myself into giving you the illusion of lovin’ it, because it’s such a HUGE deal to you dudes. And it’s all about mutual fun in the sack, right? So if I make your ego happy, then I get some good lovin’ too! And being senselessly drunk always helped with that Swallow-me-Elmo routine…

Now. Let’s talk about up-dah-ass… If a gal sez she’s “lovin’ it,” she’s fibbing. What we DO or MIGHT get hot about is hearing ourselves say, “Give it to me up my ass, baby!” But once you give the hot meat injection in our bum — jeezuz! The sensation is that your EYEBALLS are gonna pop out of your sockets! (After a night at the Holiday Inn at the Toledo riverfront, I gave it up for good. Not fun. Because I only hang out with guys with Major Packages.) But there IS some payback to the bum-preoccupied-bunch: like when you run into a chunk of constipated tird in her colon! Because us chicks are all on a high-protein/low-carb diet so we can be skinny for you, but since all we’ve been eating lately is “Sharp Cheddar”…I’m so plugged-up even a Roto-Rooter couldn’t help me.

SERIOUSLY…is THAT a turn-on? You wanna shove it in me when I’ve got a rat knockin at my back door? Riiiiiight. And what’s the etiquette for informing you of my road blocked colon with a tird-in-stasis? So Dear John…I dig you. You’ve gotta be one of the funniest dudes on this website! But on this topic, you’re just like my ass: full of compacted shit.

Ladies: can I have a holla?

LOVE YA!
NoDakGirl
Source

Pregnant Angelina Jolie Scoping Out African Adoption Market

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 36

It’s too bad Angie’s pregnant b/c I’m sure all these kids have the seed of false hope planted deep within their hearts. I’m getting all teary-eyed writing this so I’ll stop.

Damn you, Maddox!!

Double damn you, Zahara!! (The extra damn is for being so damn cute!)

View All Photos ›

The Ailing Maggie Q @ UK Mission Impossible 3 Premiere

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 22

Someone please stuff a few burgers down this lady’s throat.

It’s pretty damn obvious that Ms. Q failed to look @ herself in the mirror from the point she bought the dress to the time she arrived @ the premiere last night. So with that in hand, the only other place where we can place blame for this fashion atrocity is on the backs of her backstabbing friends. When asked to provide their honest opinion on how she looks in her new dress, they looked Maggie straight in the eye & lied to her by coolly replying, “Oh my God! You look absolutely gorgeous, Maggie!! I think I’m gonna buy the same dress for myself!”

Here are a couple more snaps.

View All Photos ›

Is John Legend Sexing Up bin Laden’s Niece, Wafah Dufour?

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 26

…and all this time I thought the dude was gay!

Memo to John Legend: Out of all the women in the world, did you really need to venture inside this woman?! She’s a walking time bomb (not literally, of course). I’m talkin’ about how all terrorist eyes are on her every move & if you’re moving close to where she’s moving, then you better watch your back.

Nothing against Wafah, but she’s a total liability. John Legend should either peacefully dump Wafah (you don’t want upset her…) or take out an insurance policy on his own life. Each night he spends with Wafah & her juicy lips, the level of anger of certain terrorist groups around the globe grows.

Official Bastardly Over/under on the number of months John Legend will be alive if he keeps diving into the presumably hairy Wafah Oil Field…

8-10 months.

Peace be upon you, Johnny.

View All Photos ›

Bastardly Lady of the Day - Ashley

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 58

Ashley writes:

“I’ll be the best lady of the day yet. You can also check out my Myspace.”

Do you like your boobs?

Yes, they’re small so it makes life easier because I can get away with clothes that girls with big knockers can’t.

Would you sleep with a dude the age of your grandpa for $3,000,000?

To be honest, I’d probably do it for $1,000,000.

Have people (guys) ever said you look like a particular celebrity (…to try to get in your pants)?

Yes, I’ve gotten Jessica Alba a lot, I’ve also gotten the girl that was on Saved by the Bell, Tiffany Amber Thiessen.

What makes you Bastardly?

My excessive obsession with Unicorns.

*If you too would like to be considered to be a Bastardly Lady of the Day feel free to send hot pictures to moejackson.com@gmail.com. Please note that you will be subject to the gauntlet of our loyal readers and we won’t be so nice as to actually “take down” pictures. Cheers!

View All Photos ›
1234567...Last »