Posts from July 2014

Lucy Liu is Chinese and Chinese Women need bigger bras!

 in the weewizzle hours by 16

The Beijing Institute of Clothing Technology said the average chest size of Chinese women had increased by nearly 1cm in the past decade.

Yay! for Chinese! Woo hoo!!! Big ups to the Chinese government for feeding our women better!!

Read the whole article here!

Vote for Bastardly Sexiest Women 2006!

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Bastardly What Ever Happened to?…Supreme Commander

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 3

Earlier today, Pottymouth wrote,

What happened to Supreme Commander? I loved his rants. He was a funny
fucking dude! [Email]

In response to Pottymouth’s kind words, Supreme Commander released this press release through his email by hitting the reply button:

Awww…this makes me want to cry…but, as you well know, MEN do not cry - we have sex with women…so I will do that instead.

Seriously though…

The LA game is FINALLY done…I just posted the winners and crap last night.

So yeah, worry not all you Supreme Commander slaves. The Commander is a busy, busy man. Just look @ the shit he has to do on any given day…

1. Oversee the Shadow Government
2. Sleeping with naughty girls in the Shadow Government
3. Running Streetwars
4. Being entertained by chicks in the Big City & then sleeping with them

The pressures of the Shadow Government, coupled w/ a strenuous lovemaking schedule, the Commander is doing his best to return The Bastardly Evening News within the next couple weeks. Any hot girls looking for access to the Commander, please head over here.

The Bastardly Gossip Network Will Rock Your World

 after a late four martini lunch by 3

After a brief break due to some technical difficulties, we’re back!

Enjoy the great work from our friends around the Bastardly Gossip Network.

- Cindy Margolis, the most downloaded woman on the net (in her little head), is scheduled to do Playboy. Very blah news. I was hoping for JLH or someone juicier.
- Drunk Michelle Rodriguez is drunk & in jail for 4 days.
- Paris. Car. Dead. Just kidding!

- After you look at these body doubles you’ll feel cheated.
- Magician David Copperfield Robbed At Gunpoint. He survived.
- Some Kiera Knightley eye candy

- Britney’s scapegoat: her nanny. What is this, “Hate On Your Personal Slave” month?!
- Black, White, Read All Over
- Kevin Costner…A proud member of Super Horndogg Community. Haha.
- I was a little hungry today, so like everyday, I opened up my can of Tuna only to find…Hot Skinny Supermodels In Jeans. Oww!!!

80 Year Old Nicole Richie & Mischa Barton Do Art

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 22

These two skinnies were seen @ “Color Me Mine” in Beverly Hills last week. I’m sure some of you have been in there @ one point or another. I’m talking to our female demographic, of course.

The only reason a guy would go into “Color Me Mine” would be b/c…

1. He’s trying to sleep w/ a chick
2. Trying to make up for fucking up in a relationship
3. Anniversary gift to his significant other & he’s dragged in
4. Really, really into art or possibly gay
5. Trying to sleep w/ a chick who works there.
6. Trying to sleep w/ a chick that frequents the joint.
7. Trying to build a “deeper relationship” w/ a chick so that she’ll consider oral sex.

Ok, those were pulled out of my ass, so I’m sure you guys can think of other stuff…

Enjoy the snaps!

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Tara Elizabeth Conner is Miss USA 2006

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 58

So why the hell is the difference between Miss America and Miss USA? While I’m at it what’s the difference between Miss Universe and Miss World? Is it just another way to exploit beautiful women? If so, then that’s cool with me but is one better than the other?

Anyways, so here’s the winner, Tara Elizabeth Conner, Miss Kentucky. Yeah, she’s got a smokin bod so that’s all that matters to me…not like I watched any of this to hear them do interviews about wanting world peace, to help kids, and have puppies.

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Buttaface Lisa Rinna Redirecting Eyes…

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 10

…from her face to her boobies, of course.

Even though there’s a high possibility you’ll break out w/ Boobie Acne on your face following a scandalous trip to those juicy, MILFilicious mountains of love, I’m sure 98% of the Horndogg Community will buy a case of Proactiv & dive right in w/out even a second thought!

See the brown bagged buttaface on Buttafaces.com…

Sexy Goddess Ana Ruiz in April, 2006 Maxim

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 10

I hope the millions of Horndoggs who currently subscribe to America’s favorite soft-core porn mag, Maxim, will reconsider their subscriptions once it’s time to renew. Since they presumably order the magazine to look @ pictures of super hot women (and of course, check out funny comics from our main man, Mr. Cojo), why not do it right by subscribing to the Italian, Argentine, Mexican, & Ruskie versions of the mag? You get more hotness for your buck.

Case in point: Ms. Ana Ruiz’s juicy layout below. Enjoy.

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