Bastardly Breaking News! Illiterate Socialite Whore Victoria Beckham Releases New Book!

11. Show off your plastic fake tits at every opportunity!

12. Slut around west london in tiny mini skirts visiting expansive boutiques and buying slutty clothes!

13. Swallow as much sperm as possible!!! (Only 2 calories!!!!)

14. Allow the media to call you 'posh' even though you only made it into Spice Girls by offering your bumhole to a certain well-known music producer!!!!! Do you remember that evening you spent on your hands and knees taking various penises up your bumhole 'posh'?!!!

15. Encourage young girls to be a stuck up rich bitch talentless slut!

Now I can spread my message on how to hate yourself and still look great while doing it. here are the rules to staying so beckham!!!!!!

1. Eat no more then 100 calories per day

2. Stick to a fashionable size 0 or even a 1 at the most

3. marry a very attractive husband to boost your self esteem. ( now this may back fire like it did for Jennifer Aniston)

4. Make babies to trap that very attractive husband of yours.

5. Only gain 10 pounds while with child.

6. Worship gucci, prada, verace, and all the other over rated designers.

7. Spend 99.9 % percent of your time buying great clothing.

8. Make friends like katie holms to boost your image

9. Oh how could I forget, you must be rich bitch ( I don't care how you do it, just stay thin while doing it)

10. remember my little beckhams of the future, It's not about your husband or kids, It's about how great you look in your Gucciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

she actually was sexy at one time in the not-too-distant-past...what a shame that she too has surrendered to the obscenely gross waifish look prevalent among all too many celeb girls & otherwise...FUCK IT...since this not only disgusts but infuriates me, i'm afraid i'll be forced to have her gag on my ridiculously engorged member until i'm ready to invade her...ARSE...after which she may gladly ingest the contents of it after it has been thoroughly flecked by her own filthy bung chute...

she used to be so pretty. She needs to gain weight! she looks as though she could slice cheese with those cheekbones alone :S

No tits, no talent, no way

Those are some hot legs... who cares about the book!

It's interesting that the 1st time I ever see her smiling..she hides it behind the book...Poor thing....She either has some ugly teeth or she is hiding the fact that her face almost got torn a part from smiling....

umm... yuck!

Botox overdose.

She must have penned the book at the plastic surgeon's office.

Impressive for a woman who claims never to have read a book in her life....

I am not sure what is worse, the idiots that paid her for this or the idiots that will buy it. Going to a book signing or release party for her is as entertaining as watching a dog drag his ass across a carpet, actually the dog is probably better.

john, classic!

excerpt from the book

"David took the nanny shopping again this aftenoon, not sure why he didn't take the kids with him, but now i have to take care of them. My life is so hard. I had a granola bar and a bottle of water for lunch today. I feel so fat, the dexatrim just isn't working. I think i'll go down to the store and get some exlax and a box of tounge depressors. Baby spice called me last week, i didn't take it, i know that lazy bitch is just looking for a handout, i think i'll call my mom"

Fucking cheap nasty slut couldn't keep those stinkin legs shut. This is an example of a typical brainless slapper.

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Must have taken them a good 5 years of photoshopping to produce the book.

I don't know about intelligence, but I'm pretty sure it shows of her assets...owww!

what good is a book if it doesn't have any juicy pictures?!

She looks kinda like i imagine myself an alien...well its Halloween

Second...

I see she has her Halloween mask on.

First...

I'm sure it's a very interesting book that shows off her intelligence