MoeJackson

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Awww! A little boy wishes for his teddy bear to come to life one day! What is cuter and sweeter than that? I repeat: awwww!

Huh whoops. Guess he should have read the disclaimer on making wishes. Actually, be glad he didn’t, because then we wouldn’t have the screamingly (and I mean screamingly) funny movie Ted, the new “talking teddy” picture from Seth MacFarlane that is (wait for it) the funniest movie of the summer. And yes, I saw Dictator. I am also still recovering from That’s My Boy. Oh the perils of being a critic.

Let me first say that the chances of you howling your way through this movie from beginning to end (as did I) are greatly enhanced if you “get” the humor of Seth MacFarlane, which is put on raucous display every Sunday at 9 on Family Guy. That means raunchier than hell, offensive for offense’s sake, and where nothing is scared. I repeat again: nothing is sacred. If your sensibilities are more delicate than that, go stand in line with the crowd from People Like us. The rest of us want to have a good time.

The movie starts when a little boy of 8 named John (played as an adult by Mark Wahlberg) wishes for his teddy bear to come to life. He does, except not until John is 35 and involved with Lori (Mila Kunis). Lori does not take kindly to Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) because he’s an indecent, crude, and obnoxiously wicked teddy bear who’s only interested in the gratification of his own . . . stuffing? The sequences that make up the “plot” are many and hilarious - suffice is to say, you won’t be buying any stuffed animals for your little niece or son again without wondering “What If . . . ?”

Wahlberg does well in his role, as does Kunis playing the “straight” woman in the film (my one grudge is that she could have been so much funnier), but there’s no shortage of laughs here. I have a feeling this is going to be a monstrous hit and, for once, I cannot wait for the sequel. Until then, it’s back to the attic in my parents’ house to see if my old stuffed animals are getting high and telling masturbation jokes.

Check the film’s official website!

Remember that sweet little movie about boyhood in the 80s called Karate Kid? Remember the star-making turn John Travolta experienced in Saturday Night Fever? Remember essentially every movie about becoming self-actualized that you’ve ever seen?

Well, now imagine those movies stripped (literally) of their outer elements and set upon the sweaty, beefy male stripping stages of Southern Florida where the only thing more electric than the screams of titillated women are their regular estrogen deposits into the atmosphere. That, basically, is Magic Mike. And for no other reason than that it is directed Steven Soderbergh (yes, that Steven Soderbergh) can I say wholeheartedly that this is, in fact, a very good and very watchable movie. What other director with any other subject matter could make you not want to throw your jumbo soda at Matthew McConaughey? I ask you again: what director? It’s perfect casting!

The story is about a small town boy with big boy biceps (Alex Pettyfer) who falls under the wing of the “Magic” Mike Lane (Tatum) who soon introduces the wayward chap to the world of male stripping and adoring female fans. He also introduces him to Dallas (McConaughey) who owns the club and who is way, waaaay past his prime as a stripper but just can’t get away. But seriously, folks, the story doesn’t matter in this one.

The fun is that the movie has several outrageous dancing sequences that put Rock of Ages to shame, and the supporting cast of Matt Bomer and Adam Rodriguez know exactly what they’re doing. If you’re looking for a flesh flick that might upend your sensibilities about female sexual desire and how frankly dirty it can be, then look no further: this is the movie for you.