Simon Cowell Took Time From Luxury Yacht Lovemaking To Hit One Direction Premiere

August 21, 2013 Moe 0 Comments

Pictured: Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne; Simon Cowell

We’re pretty sure Simon Cowell was there specifically to flex his manboobs on the red carpet and recruit a fresh batch of cougars to accompany him on week-long Tantric-sex-infused excursions in the French Riviera aboard his luxury yacht. That bastard.

So, it’s also worth our time to speculate who took home who following last night’s big premiere of ‘One Direction: This Is Us’ (i.e. 2013’s greatest film). Can you get any more cookie cutter than a film about touring boy-band that was manufactured on a reality TV show? Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure it’ll go on to earn a lot of cash-so much cash that Simon Cowell will shamelessly turn it into a trilogy ‘One Direction: This Is Us NOW’, ‘One Direction: That Used To Us, But THIS is Really Us!’. Chicks will eat this shit up!

Don’t know if you guys heard this already, but there are rumors that Simon Cowell is working on releasing dildos & vibrators with the faces of ‘One Direction’ band mate on the tips. Did you guys see the prototype featuring Harry Styles that was leaked last week? Check it below…