MoeJackson

After what probably felt as an eternity, Cold Play lead singer finally threw in the towel on his marriage with overly pretentious & pathologically self-consumed actress Gwyneth Paltrow (OK, maybe we’re being a little too harsh). Since she’s famous for making other people feel like worthless pieces of shit, let’s review a list of G-Paltrow quotes that help to shed some light on the type of person Chris Martin has to no longer deal with…

Gwyneth talks nanny and kids:

“She’s French, so she’s teaching them French, and their previous nanny was Spanish, so they’re fluent in Spanish.”

European life:

“It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it’s from 500 B.C., it’s incredible.”

“We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature—all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, ‘Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you’re wearing?’ and I thought, I can’t stay here. I have to get back to Europe. I love America too. It is just a more adolescent culture.”

“When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’

In a Cosmo article (that Chris Martin probably missed):

“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun—how can it be bad for you? I don’t think anything that’s natural can be bad for you.”

The fact that she’s so endearing toward other people:

“Even actresses that you really admire, like Reese Witherspoon, you think, ‘Another romantic comedy?’ You see her in something like Walk the Line and think, ‘God, you’re so great!’ And then you think, ‘Why is she doing these stupid romantic comedies?’ But of course, it’s for money and status.”

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

Loves to let people know that she’s friends with Jay Z & Queen B:

“[Moses] is obsessed with hip-hop and wanted a gold chain like his uncle Jay-Z.”

“Beyoncé’s like, ‘Okay. The singing is great. But you’re not having any fun.’ She’s like, ‘Remember when we were at Jay’s concert and Panjabi MC comes on and you do your crazy Indian dance? Do that. Be you!’”

“I don’t hold on to fear as much as I used to, because I’ve learned a lot about genuinely not caring what strangers think about me. It’s very liberating. It’s very empowering, and I’ve learned a lot of that from Jay—Shawn Carter—Z, because his approach to life is very internal. It’s a very good lesson to learn.”

Looks Like G-P will be listening to a lot of hip hop…

“He [Chris Martin] can’t have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.”

Here’s G-P discussing what she wants as her last meal…

“Oysters and cocktail sauce, and then a baked, stuffed lobster and french fries. I would have a baguette and a cheese course for my dessert, and red wine. I drank like crazy [when the kids were babies]. How else could I get through my day?”

G-P confirming that she lives inside a bubble:

“I think that women, especially women in my job, come to me because they know I’m very loving and nonjudgmental and I’m not competitive, and I’ve been through a lot.”