MoeJackson

For one thing, it’s really long. You have to assume that by the end of the fourth paragraph, they would’ve started playing the music signaling him to wrap up his apologies and move on backstage for the obligatory photos with his too-long-to-list of co-stars. Oh whatever, we’ll list them anyway (deep breath)…Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Charlie Sheen, Ben Affleck, Oliver Stone, Hollywood writer and director James Toback (has a total of 230 accusers FYI!), horndogg photog Terry Richardson, former president-turned-ass-grabber George H. W. Bush, political commentator Mark Halperin, Jeremy Piven, Dustin Hoffman, Brett Ratner, Ed Westwick, Steven Seagal (SNL needs do a skit on Steven Seagal working his mojo!)—just to name the more prominent ones.

Most of you probably skimmed Louis C.K.’s statement already, but if you read it in the context of him winning some sort of award, it’s slightly more amusing. It definitely seems like he’s doing a lot of thinking out loud following long visits to the offices of his various shrinks, therapist and publicists, but hey it’s better than most of the other statements!

And the Oscar for Best Male Comedian in 2017’s Accused Sexual Harassers goes to… LOUIS C.K.!

Enter: Louis C.K. slowly and quietly walks up to the stage with his eyes looking to the floor. Louis reluctantly pulls out a folded note from his suit pocket and reads it.

“I want to address the stories told to the New York Times by five women named Abby, Rebecca, Dana, Julia who felt able to name themselves and one who did not.
These stories are true. At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true. But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn’t a question. It’s a predicament for them. The power I had over these women is that they admired me. And I wielded that power irresponsibly.

I have been remorseful of my actions. And I’ve tried to learn from them. And run from them. Now I’m aware of the extent of the impact of my actions. I learned yesterday the extent to which I left these women who admired me feeling badly about themselves and cautious around other men who would never have put them in that position.
I also took advantage of the fact that I was widely admired in my and their community, which disabled them from sharing their story and brought hardship to them when they tried because people who look up to me didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t think that I was doing any of that because my position allowed me not to think about it.
There is nothing about this that I forgive myself for. And I have to reconcile it with who I am. Which is nothing compared to the task I left them with.
I wish I had reacted to their admiration of me by being a good example to them as a man and given them some guidance as a comedian, including because I admired their work.
The hardest regret to live with is what you’ve done to hurt someone else. And I can hardly wrap my head around the scope of hurt I brought on them. I’d be remiss to exclude the hurt that I’ve brought on people who I work with and have worked with who’s professional and personal lives have been impacted by all of this, including projects currently in production: the cast and crew of ‘Better Things,’ ‘Baskets,’ ‘The Cops,’ ‘One Mississippi,’ and ‘I Love You Daddy.’ I deeply regret that this has brought negative attention to my manager Dave Becky who only tried to mediate a situation that I caused. I’ve brought anguish and hardship to the people at FX who have given me so much The Orchard who took a chance on my movie and every other entity that has bet on me through the years.
I’ve brought pain to my family, my friends, my children and their mother. I have spent my long and lucky career talking and saying anything I want. I will now step back and take a long time to listen.
Thank you for reading.”

Among all the post-accusation statements, I have to admit, Louis C.K. gets an A for appearance of sincerity and overall clarity. The fact that he’s not in denial or suffering from amnesia gives him a leg up on the others in his path to “recovery.” Also, you have to love how people can check into an expensive “sex addiction therapy” clinic in hopes to come out “cured” or whatever you’re supposed to come out as.