Monthly Archives: November 2004

Britney’s Homeless Hairstyle

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Britney became yet another socialite with a Chihuahua. Surprise-surprise. This brings another variable into their relationship, so it will be interesting to see what role this simple Chihuahua will play in the downfall of Britney Spears.

Anyway, screw the dog. Notice Britney’s hair. Do these two just get up every morning with simple urges (i.e. frapicinos, coffee, Cheetos, puppies, etc) and then rush out the door with whatever clothes they have on?

By the way, we’re still waiting for Jen’s photo to compare whether she has better hair than Britney.

South Park Slaps Around Paris Hilton

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Set your Tivos!

On the Comedy Central show, the girls of South Park’s fourth grade idolize Hilton, and each one owns Paris’ “very special toy set” – a kit that comes complete with video camera, night-vision filter, play money and losable cell phone.

When word reaches the girls that Paris might visit South Park, they try to impress their idol by getting the town’s boys to help make their own “videos.” [NY Post]

Episode #812 – Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset airs tomorrow @ 10:00PM!

Credit also goes to South Park X for this post.

Lauren from the Laguna Beach: The Real OC

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I know we’re gonna get hate mail for the photo above. I just couldn’t hold myself, damn it!

First of all, I have yet to watch one episode of this show. I don’t think I’ll have the patience to sit through it. Anyway, another photo follows with some lucky Asian dude w/ “LC” (what a lame nickname, by the way). Did he get her drunk & sleep with her? Judging from the tolerance level of 98% of the Asian community, I’d have to say that he was probably faded after finishing the drink he’s holding in the photo. The recessive Alcohol Tolerence Gene is the Achili’s heel of all Asian guys going for white chicks.

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Ciara: Smooth, Milk Chocolate

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Ciara

Since I’m pretty out of it, I recently saw a couple of her booty shakin’ video on her website & my God, I was impressed! This girl reminds me a little of Alliyah, except she has a killer booty & an attitude to go with it. I can see Ush hitting her up once he gets his head out of his ass and realizes that he’s wasting away his youth with an abusive, old woman.

Everyone, except probably Steve, should check out her website & maybe watch a video or two.

Jackson first brought her up in a comment to a post that was centered around Beyonce & other bootilicious women.

Tommy Lee & His Hot Tutor, Natalie Reedman

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It’s killer. You know, it’s… I never got to go to college, ’cause at 17, I got a recording contract with MÖTLEY, and I bailed. And so this is an experience that I never got to experience. It’s a lot of fun. There’s tons of hot chicks. And I’m actually learning — believe it or not — I’m actually learning and taking tests and I have a really hot tutor that’s helping me out. It’s all love. It’s fun. -Tommy Lee [Rat Daddy Vince Neil’s Site]

Dude, the chick is not too shabby and I know we’ll see blurred out clips of Tommy Lee tutoring her in the art of making love to a man with a 3 feet long penis! Don’t lie to yourselves, girls. It’s perfectly alright if you’re looking forward to it. When they asked her why they chose her in particular to be Tommy’s tutor, she was like, “uh, I don’t know. I was like-like walkin’ around campus with like a bunch of friends & they like blah blah blah.” Ditsiness is so sexy sometimes! Check out the video clip @ Access Hollywood.

So has this guy left the university already or what??

The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer: GloThong!

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Only a brotha could be so creative!

Being guys, it didn’t take us long to gravitate to them. My co-workers find it endlessly entertaining. Inventor, Beau Carpenter. [Houston Chronicle]

Yes, girls & cross-dressing boys. For only $49.95, you can light up a room with your thong! How sexy is that?! Apparently the thong is powered by the kinetic energy created by the movements of your booty. If you believed me, you’re pretty sad. Actually a couple rechargeable batteries power up the holy device & if for some reason you’re too busy having sex & forget to recharge your thong, no worries! You can charge it up in the car while you’re driving to your booty-shaking venue! Anyway, Beau Carpenter, the MBA student who invented the device, provides some additional wisdom:

I would not recommend driving and recharging at the same time. It’s really meant to be recharged off of the body.

If you want to bag a free Bastardly.com T-shirt, send a photo of yourself sporting this sacred thong! (Rules: Girls only. Please remember to take the photo in the dark, unless, of course, you’re completely nude. I’M KIDDING!!)

Bastardly Suggestion: Eva Longoria NEEDS New Boobies!

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Eva
Her career & body are both thirsty for a cup or two on the plus side.

Of course we all like natural ones, but sometimes God is simply not so giving when it comes to the boob gene. Oh, the elusive boob gene! Few women are gifted, I tell you. But those who aren’t naturally gifted, modern science has an answer.

I feel Eva Longoria’s career, which is already on the fast track with Desperate Housewives, will be propelled to the next level with a simple boob upgrade by a reputable surgeon who’s not in any way linked to Tara Reid. Now, of course I’m not talking about pornstarish triple Ds! That’s kinda gross, unless you’re into that kind of crap, but I’m talking adding a simple cup—possibly going to the upper Bs so that she can fill a sexy bikini. Just think about it, ok. Eva Longoria is already one of the sexiest Latinas on TV, so why not put some icing on the cake, baby?

Eva, this is a call from your fans. Go in for a simple 30-minute consultation, check out some photos & just go for it, sistah! Plus, I’m sure you can land better dudes than that loser director you’re sleeping with at the moment.

In the next page, there are more photos that help to prove my point.

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