• Johnny


    According to this article, she overdosed. This article mentions this very web thread, so who knows if they know the truth.

  • dude

    Haley seemed like a wonderful person but she didn’t seem to have much of a chance considering the few descriptions of her upbringing I have seen from the father Kensabe. So I am curious what was going through his head while he was raising her and what he was thinking. Why did he choose to have a child if he knew he couldn’t support one or give them a good upbringing? Why did he choose to move cities every couple of years and give her a “turbulent” life (i.e. inability to keep/make lasting childhood friendships) instead of settling down, getting a 9-5 job, and working his way up to some lower middle class salary that could actually support a child. If he was poor, why was he wasting money on things like Woodie Guthrie concerts? Sounds like the guy was pretty radically present-oriented (read: selfish) and only thought about himself, not taking into consideration what it takes to be a good supportive parent. It seems like he didn’t really care to stay in her life after she turned 18 – it seems like he was glad she was out of his house and no longer a “burden” on him. Why didn’t he make sure she focus on school? Why didn’t he make sure she went to junior college or college to learn the ways of our capitalist society instead of dooming her to a life of minimum wage salaries at Blockbuster (which likely inevitably led to her decision to enter porn)?

  • poot

    lol… stoned again, that supposed to be directed to Dude.

  • poot

    Poot, about all I can figure is that you aren’t terribly experienced in life. It’s sure easy to talk a bunch of judgemental shit, it’s a different story to live it.

  • Kensabe

    I had lost this site for a couple of months and just recently was directed to the new link. Thank you, moderator, for giving me that info. A response to Dude quickly, if I may. To quote you, “…she didn’t seem to have much of a chance considering the few descriptions of her upbringing I have seen…” You don’t have many facts about her life and her parents and the family’s activities and lifestyle, so your suppositions are extremely prejudicial. Not that I blame you for raising the questions, because they are legitimate questions. Perhaps a book needs to be written about my daughter, which would include the journeys of her parents and their parents, to help satisfy the curiousity about her career (which covered only 2 or 3 years out of her life) and give some satisfaction about the sad fate of a woman with promise. I have answers for all of your questions, because I asked them of myself at the time they were relevant as well as later. Could any of those issues you brought up have impacted where she went in her adult life? Like most questions about history and lives in hindsight, they can be answered with a yes and a no at the same time. Some of your questions are silly, of course. For instance, no one wasted money on a Woody Guthrie concert–it was free. Plus, your ignorance of our lives (no fault of yours since the book hasn’t been written yet) invalidates the question of “if he was poor,” since I wasn’t poor at the time; that incident took place when she came to visit me in Oklahoma. Indeed, I had lots of contact with her after she was 18; she visited me, resided with me, or lived nearby on and off up to age about 21, then she embarked on her own life. In the next 3 years she managed to keep the biggest secret of her life from me, even during our visits and correspondence. There was no way I could have guessed the career she selected, and it did not follow logically from her upbringing, her education, nor the lifestyle that her parents had chosen prior, during, and after her life began. When Maryam became Haley Paige, that was a decision she made voluntarily. Would she have gotten into the industry if her parents had brought her up differently? When the book comes out, you’ll have a better chance to judge.

    This forum is amazing, it has had quite an impact on a number of people, and I’m happy to continue my discussion here, even with the occasional insensitive post. This is what a memorial to a beloved friend and daughter should be. Thank you, Bastardly, for keeping it alive.

  • Desmond Hayes

    Ken, I am sorry for your loss. I know that I am not alone in saying that hearing of this will keep many of us away from porn for a long long time, if not indefinitely- it’s a fantasy to watch, but someone elses hell to live through…


  • Mmmk

    I’ve seen hotter bitches in a puppy mill.

  • Ida Clair


    I am moved by your patience and grace answering questions and enduring the horrific comments and judgements written above about you and your daughter.

    I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what path she took, she was your daughter, and I’m sure your pain is unmeasurable. Wishing you the peace that only time can bring.

  • BenJammen


    Thank you for opening up yourself and your life to all of us (even the rude and insensitive).


  • kerguelen


    when I wrote my precedent post, your own new post (11th may 2008)was not visible on my screen.
    I find your comments very touching. I could only say that I am sorry for your pain.
    It would be ridiculous and insulting for you to compare my feelings with yours.
    I hope you will not find my previous comments too out of context and too “serene”. Writing about your daughter is not easy for me and it took me time before I feel I have the courage for that.
    I readed my previous post one more time: that’s what I wanted to write, in a clumsy way perhaps. I was wrong in a field: I was too kind with the man who was with Maryam at the end of her life (I still continue to not write his name).

    Be sure Kensabe, there are people, far away from you and your family who will remember your daughter with kindness.

  • kerguelen


    given the circumstances I should say I am glad to see you back here. I warn you: english is not my first linguage (I am french) so my post will probably appear clumsy, awkward or even childish. I hope (if you read it) you will not find it insulting. I weigh up my words but to express in the best way my thoughts in english is beyond my capacities. That’s said…

    From what you wrote in your last post (20th april 2008) I understand you’re working on the idea you mentioned earlier: writing a book about your daughter. I wish you good luck. Take your time and build this great tribute about Maryam. Be sure many people are waiting for your work, hoping the answer to many questions. I guess that for you the perspective is a little bit different. Could this book warm up your heart!

    Of course you’ll probably discuss about the career of your daughter in the Industry. From your previous comments I am quite sure you will not be too harsh about her. As his father you’re surely disappointed about the way she took but don’t be ashamed. That was the decision of Maryam. About her , in my humble opinion, the only real shame is her death.

    I didn’t know your daughter. I only knew by the net Haley Paige.But the news of her death simply devastated me. To say (in my mind) that she was a great performer doesn’t lessen the utmost respect I have for her. Yes it was only one face of an another person, Maryam Haley. I hope, Kensabe, that you’ll be able to bind these two faces together in the best manner for you. But you know, even in her movies Haley was able to create a very strong empathy for her. Her humanity (and fragility) went beyond the screen. I am happy to know that according you and another accounts she displayed these qualities in her real life.

    Real life seemed the main target of Maryam. The Industry was only here for a time. And during her career Haley was very cautious. She keeped away from the nastiest things in this area. What she didn’t want to do, she didn’t do. Sadly it seems she encountered two things in the Industry: an easily access to drugs and bad persons (I think it’s not worth to mention names).

    From my point of view,at the end, Maryam was victim of a combination of bad luck (the bad luck she had experienced in her relationship with men during her life) and the pressure of bad people (probably an understatement) around her. I know this is a very sensitive case for you, Kensabe and I don’t want to reopen wounds. But I found earlier that according certain people, it was a “logical” end. I just want to express my dissent and what I hope is right: Maryam/Haley had a great and wonderful appetite for life and she was a very resilient (and of course nice) person.

    In the end Kensabe you could be proud of your daughter. She was a complex (and fascinating)person, and despite all the lame and bigoted comments a woman in her time. Enigmatic and nice person, little woman, great lady!

  • Kensabe

    Thank you for your sweet letters, I enjoyed them and could feel your caring and sympathy through them. Apparently you knew Maryam pretty well. If and when I write something about Maryam, either a biography or a novel, I will need input from people who knew her, like yourself. I hope you will be willing to talk about her from your perspective. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings or insulting me with anything you say. By any chance, do you speak Spanish?

  • Mark


    Thank you for your depth and openness talking about this and sharing Maryam’s life with us. I am glad you didn’t let the crass comments discourage you from coming back to this forum.

  • Kensabe

    I’m glad I’m back, too. Crass comments don’t really bother me. Well, they do, if I let them, I suppose. If I think about them and what they’re saying about my daughter. But in my state of semi-denial, the comments are not about my daughter at all, but some fictional character I don’t quite associate with being her. I relate to the comments about her personality and her real self, not the porn star performing acts my mind won’t let me imagine. Yet intellectually I know it’s her, and I sense the amazing crossover she made by just being herself in an environment that is a polar opposite from her upbringing. I know about the real Maryam, so I can relate to the feelings people have about her as a person rather than an actress.

    I realize that what we’re doing on this forum is quite extraordinary, talking about an adult performing artist on levels that go way beyond the subject of raw sex. We have taken the life and soul of a woman in its elemental form, examined her unjust fate in terms that transcend sensational voyeurism, and are in the process of redefining our understanding of her, our concept of her being, in the brazen expectation of discovering something valuable to cherish both in her life and in her death, and at some point, in each of our own hearts. What I find fascinating in our discussion, loose as it is a the moment, is that most of you don’t know her before Haley Paige, and I don’t know her since. I think we’re telling each other we’d like to swap stories so we can put them together into one. OK by me.

  • bdt

    ken where are the pic of her funeral locaed on here im trying to create a tribute page for her , she will be missed rip haley

  • kerguelen

    Problem solved.Sorry for the previous post, I was a little panic-stricken.

    Kensabe, if you go back here I answered to you above!

    Moelicious, there are comments of 2006 in the middle of 2008’s comments. When I spoke of a “disgusting” post it was not directed against you but againt “whoremaster”‘s post.

  • kerguelen

    Kensabe, I am sorry, I didn’t know by any means your daughter Maryam. I never met her nor was in communications with her. I “knew” a little Haley Paige. The reverse was not true. It was not at all my intention to fool you on this way. I regret I gave you this false impression. I gathered informations about Maryam from various sources on the net. It’s here under your own pen that I learned the most about her.
    My thoughts about her, what I feel about her, yes these are the results of my personal reflexions about the events of Maryam’s life and her acts.

    Nevertheless, Kensabe, if I can help you anyway, I would happy to do that. So just ask! On the same side I am of course willing to continue to talk with you about Maryam.

    I want to greet you Kensabe about your courage. You’re sharing with you, perfect strangers to you, so intimate facts about your family! I perfectly understand how it is difficult for you and I guess with wich care you write your posts.
    In your so moving post of 11th may 2008 I found a comforting fact: Maryam
    told you about her drug addiction. She was frank enough to reveal to you one of her main issue in her life!
    About the other great issue, the korean guy, your last comments about him were harsh. I find nothing to remove or to add. It looks like you wrote the final epitaph about him!

    Concerning Haley Paige, Kensabe, don’t let you be tormented by the comments of “bien-pensant” persons, insensitive guys or simply madmen. It’s not worth to imagine terrible things about Haley Paige because these terrible things simply don’t exist.
    I don’t write these words in a thougtless way and I hope you’ll get my point.

    I don’t know where we are now except that this thread is very different from his dubious beginning. Patiently you’re planting the seeds of the tribute your beloved daughter deserves. What you said on your post on 14th may 2008 about how you feel Maryam’s remembrance is quite profound and fascinating. It went straight to my heart.
    I wish I could help on this road in the way you want.

    This is the shortened version of a earlier answer I wrote for you because it seems the site don’t register the lenghty posts anymore.

  • kerguelen

    Apparently I cannot post any more comments. What have I done Wrong?

  • Azza

    Oh my goodness! I know it was a long time ago but I’ve just found out about Haley Paige dying today. I am the person who commented directly after Haley’s very own comment above, saying how lovely I thought she was.

    If had thought for even a second that extending my compliments any further could have saved her from this then I would have done anything I could. The world is truely a fucked up place.

    God rest your soul, beautiful

  • bdt

    sorry ken for your loss she will be missed , she is in a better place now rip haley p

  • Cornet


    I was up until the wee hours last night reading this thread. Simply put I am blown away by your fortitude in the face of such tragedy. I don’t have much to add except to offer my condolences, and the following poem, written by Rimbaud, that somehow seems to speak to my feelings for what happened to Maryam. In case you don’t understand French, I’ve included my favorite translation below.

    Best Regards, Al

    Elle est retrouvée.
    Quoi? – L’Eternité.
    C’est la mer allée
    Avec le soleil.

    Ame sentinelle,
    Murmurons l’aveu
    De la nuit si nulle
    Et du jour en feu.

    Des humains suffrages,
    Des communs élans
    Là tu te dégages
    Et voles selon.

    Puisque de vous seules,
    Braises de satin,
    Le Devoir s’exhale
    Sans qu’on dise : enfin.

    Là pas d’espérance,
    Nul orietur.
    Science avec patience,
    Le supplice est sûr.

    Elle est retrouvée.
    Quoi ? – L’Eternité.
    C’est la mer allée
    Avec le soleil.

    Arthur Rimbaud, Mai 1872.


    It’s found you see.
    What? – Eternity.
    It’s the sun, free
    To run with the sea.

    Soul on watch
    In whispers confess
    To the empty night
    To the day’s excess.

    From the mortal weal
    From the common urge
    Here you diverge
    To fly as you feel.

    Since from you alone
    Embers of satin
    Duty breathes down
    With no ‘at last’ spoken.

    There’s nothing of hope,
    No entreaty here.
    Science and patience,
    Torture is real.

    It’s found you see.
    What? – Eternity.
    It’s the sun, free
    To run with the sea.

    Translation by A.S.Kline

  • joker187

    I have been a fan of chico wang since I saw down the hatch 13 he will always be one of the best porn directors of our time r.I.p. Chico wang

  • MsJennaNY

    Ken so sorry for your loss…I hope you and your family are coping ok.
    She was a beautiful girl and I find I am so touched by the whole story.
    I wont say I feel bad that that Korean schmuck is dead though. I hope he suffered is all I wish. May the gift of time heal your broken hearts.

  • willie murillo

    Why doesn’t anyone care about chico wang what kind of world do we live in

  • CJ

    I’m not sure why anyone would post a negative and/or demeaning comment toward the memory of a person who is not a criminal against humanity. That being said, hope her soul is at rest and her Family is at peace. Very sad.

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  • majinmica

    I’m sorry for your loss. I know it was along time ago but I truly wanted to offer my heart felt condolences may she rest in peace and only thing else I can say is gone but not forgotten

  • nico

    KENSABE – i am truly sorry for you and your family’s loss… I watched an interview once with Maryam and she seemed to be a very together young lady. I felt bad for her that she had to, or at least thought she had to subject herself to so many asshole men to survive in this world. RIP forever… you had a beautiful daughter. You’ll see her again someday I just know it. Hang tight.

  • blueschild

    Kensabe – I never got to meet Maryam, but I was truly saddened to hear of her passing.  And then I came across this thread and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and about how not only were you robbed of your daughter, but the world was robbed of her and her potential.  The interview I saw with her made me tear up simply because she seemed so sweet and so genuine and had so much ahead of her.  the world is less without Maryam.

  • joker187

    Fuck you Ken Haley

  • Gannon McHenry

    A beautiful girl lost and only found through death! fly high Beautiful Angel, Yes I admit I’ve seen only one movie of yours, it was filmed in a van, but damn you grabbed my attention over and over until I would just watch the beginning before the sex, I said Wow what a beautiful girl, then I was shocked to find out on one of those YouTube dead porn stars videos that you had been murdered, I really don’t think you OD’d on a lil methadone, I think that Chico Wang whatever murdered you then found out he couldn’t live with himself or knew he was about to go to prison for a very long time, but I just wanted to say my part, I think your time here on earth was too short, and I feel very sad that you had to live the life you did, Very sad! What a beautiful girl is all I can say,

  • Gannon McHenry

    sorry for your loss Ken, you had a beautiful daughter and really wish she wouldn’t have gotten involved with her late husband, it’s not your fault, She’s in a better place now, Maryam was beautiful and yes she was different than all the plastic girls in that industry, she did actually seem like a girl I could have fell in love with or maybe even dated, in short she was real and seemed real, I hope your doing ok I’m sure by now it’s gotten easier, yes I’m just now finding out. I wasn’t her biggest fan by far but I was definitely a fan and I do feel a loss as I’m sure we all do. thanks for reading. idk if you will see this or not