Since it’s Sunday and I’m feeling a bit more religious than usual, I’d like to take this opportunity to treat my readers as if priests; this column as though their holy confessionals and my sins as if mistakes I can brush off like dust with a mere admittance thereof. For, father, it is true that I have sinned. I ask forgiveness for the mistreatment of a kind man. They are a rare find and I have deliberately plotted against the leader of their pack.
To be honest, this wasn’t a random incidence of cheating. It was a strategically planned, I-Sat-At-The-Bar-Where-My-Future-Conquest-Works-and-Fed-Him-Shots-‘Til-the-End-of-His-Shift, kind of plotted and calculated incident of cheating. Maybe it was the orange-flavored Belvedeere shots I served him, or the skintight shirt I was wearing to lure his gaze—I don’t know—but, by the end of his shift, and at the end of the bar, we sat talking about leaving our respective partners. They bored us. Not for each other, by all means. Just in general. We were careful with our words.
My cell phone was ringing off the hook; my boyfriend was wondering where the hell I was. I’d think of an excuse later. After loading the jukebox with a mixture of Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, and the Pixies, we headed back to my place. My disguised pitch was evidently effective, because, by the time I heard my boyfriend’s car pull up, my one-night lover and I were hot and heavy in my bed. I told the lover to jump in the shower to hide (he instead jumped through the window). My boyfriend walked up to the house with his lunch box in tow, as if to spend the night and go to work from there. He could tell something was up. It was 2 am and I was “sleeping” in make-up and clothes.
“My phone was dead,” I lied.
He got back into his car and sadly fled. I found my lover in the bushes outside my bathroom window. We casually continued where we left off and I never breathed a word to my boyfriend. Just stuck with my story.
That brings me here today, dear Father, begging your forgiveness.
I mean really, next time I will come up with a far more believable excuse than “my phone was dead.” That is but the work of an amateur. Pathetic.
So? Hail Mary. Hail Mary. Hail Mary.
We cool now?
For more subtle GiGi-isms, venture Here.
I meant "can't stand", not "can stand".
Phil it's completely understandable that a virgin would be intimidated by the idea of a threesome, seems natural to me.
Herb never makes me paranoid, horny yes, well hornier then I already am. Man I bet you are kicking yourself over that one. I am sure you won't let that opportunity pass by again.
The older women took me to Florida for the week, I was their girl toy. The one had a sugar daddy that bought her new breasts and a house but obviously didn't do it for her in bed. Her and her friend were going on vacation (on Sugar Daddy's dime) to Florida and suggested that I come along (without the Sugar Daddy's knowledge). I could go into details but don't want to sound like I am bragging, since I can stand people who are full of themselves. Let's just say the week consisted of morning tanning followed by sex all afternoon after lunch, dinner and drinks followed up by more sex. No vacation has come close yet.
Two guys and a woman doesn't appeal to me, it's not that I am a homophobe it's just I find men repulsive so it would spoil the moment for me since so much of sex for me is mental.
I'm glad that I can provoke such deep discussions.
oh man im jealosu cali, u actually DID it...i passed up TWO seperate two-on-one girl encounters.
i was offered one by a girl and her cousin, but i was still a virgin at the time, i was 20, they were both 18. i know THIS is gonna make me sound pathetic, but, i wanted to fuck both of them too.
the second time was by this girl i WAS hooking up with and her best friend. whom again, i DID want to fuck, i was 27, the girl i was hooking up with was 18, her friend 17. the catch was, her friend WANTED to hook up with me, and would only hook up with the girl i was banging if I was involved. the girl i was banging was in love with her best friend. sadley...it didnt happen cause i smoked weed, not something i do, ive only done it maybe 7 or 8 times in my life, and i was SOOOOOOOO paranoid, that, well, i kinda left.
ive been waiting eversince for a third chance, but, well, sadley, it hasnt, nor do i think it ever will come..
as for 2 guys, with a chick, and the whole "fingercuffs" thing...well, LOL, if the girl was a big enough slut to do it, and, it was agood friend, id prolly do it. fuck, why not? as long as i aint gotta touch him, its all good.
Nah Gigi, no two on one with other guys, so there would be no chance of a spit roast. I was however lucky enough to get in on two separate two on ones with women.
Funny thing is when I was 25 I was propositioned by a work friend to sleep with her and her friend, they were 33 and 36. At the age of 35 I was propositioned by a work friend at a different job to have sex with her and her friend, they were 24 and 25.
At 25 I was thinking, yeah older women, and at 35 I think, yeah younger women. Mentally I enjoyed the 25 year Olds more, but for physically pleasing the 35 year Olds won without question.
Overall I am not very daring, those two acts constitute the bulk of my naughtyness.
Caliban-I am enlightened. If you have had such an experience, do share. I'll use it in one of my posts and take a beating for it by the excuisite and refined Bastardly readers.
Celebitchy-These might just be the naughty type of details you're looking for!
THanks caliban...
I'm sure that will get any girl excited.
A Chinese finger trap is a real thing. It's a small woven tube roughly 4 inches in length and a finger width in diameter. You put one finger from each hand in each end. But the trick is you can't pull them out, as you do it binds tighter and tighter. You must push the tube together to release it's grip, most people just try pulling it which only makes it tighter. Fantastic joke to play on children and young adults and well, drunks.
Anyway, if you were to use her like a Chinese Finger Trap it's the same as spit roasting her, one in the mouth and pussy, very naughty.
Gigi thanks! Chasing Amy is worth checking out, but I don't buy the premise that Ben Affleck could get anyone to switch sides.
Ya, please describe a Chinese finger trap in a three-way.
it sounds gross, but I have to appease my damn curiosity....
Phillip: I'll have to check it out. Sounds promising!
GiGi have you never seen "Chasing Amy"?
i may be incorrect, but i believe that Chinese Finger Trap is another way to say "fingercuffs". u know, Alyssa Jones' nickname?
Beaner: You are hilarious
Celebitchy: You're my type of chick and I like your site.
Everyone else: Yep, cheating sucks. Bad news. So, don't do it.
What is a chinese finger trap?
Next time -- more details, less lengthy. Thanks for the suggestions.
It would have been better if the boyfriend came in and, along with the new dude, made a chinese finger trap out of you. I am waiting for that story.
Seriously, these people need more details of how you were plowed time after time, otherwise you are not truly a "whore," just a little slutty. Cut the bullshit and write about how you had a dick in the ass and a cucumber in the vag.
everyone saying if you want to sleep with multiple people is right. Just dont be confirmed boyfriend/girlfriend.
some people DO get off on cheating tho, its another of form adventure. the element of getting caught. its stupid, but, u know how some people are.
Not a big fan of cheating, it's just lame and not necessary. You can have hot, erotic, kinky sex without cheating. Just don't lock anyone in a relationship, then you can be as naughty as you wish and still have a clear conscience.
Call me naive or incredibly old-fashioned but I agree with Steph. If you wish to have multiple partners (which is fine) then don't commit to one. If you are committed and there's something lacking (that discussion or best efforts cannot repair) then move on while your dignity and self-respect are still in tact.
I also don't automatically endorse the 'sow your wild oats' theory of sexual fulfillment either. Quality over quantity. I enjoy a more seasoned and satisfying sex life with my high school sweetheart than most ppl who have had three times the number of sexual partners.
Interesting read though ;)
Gigi that makes sense about the ex. Those are the type of guys we say are too good for us, but it turns out they're spineless and we're just being nice! (At least IMO.) Seriously you should keep it up and be a little more titilating in the details.
i don't agree with cheating either. if a person cheats, it's because they lacking something in their relationships. My thing is if you no longer happy with the person you with. Isntead of cheating on them, jut let them go and move on. I would rather a man be honest with me, then jerk me around. cause when i do find out that his been cheating, i would not hesitate to beat his ass.
i think cheating is deplorable. Why commit when you're just going to cheat!? if you wanna sleep around more power to you but don't hurt people in the process when it could be avoided. But glad to hear that they're memoirs and not current exploits.
Yes! More GiGi-ism! You make cheating sound so hot. Kind of like that porn sub-genre in which high heeled girls kick guys in the nuts. It's like a fresh car wreck, you just have to slow down for a peek, even though the image might scar you.
No, we not cool now. We hungry! We want more!
poor guy, i feel sorry for your ex. you had a jewel( a rarity these days ) and you betrayed him horribly. i'm with gil on this one.why waste the man's time?well atleast you said yourself you didnt deserve him at the time.
An
I completely understand your story. Days we live in are like that, I had similar ironic situations. Why be with only 1 person when there r too many potentials out there, people have to explore while young. Rock on ;)
haha. Great philosophy, An!
so... this GiGi character is a liar, untrustworthy, a cheater, kinda plain looking, egotistical and dates dudes who pack a lunch in a box....
wow...she's like... totally my type of trashy woman!! If she was wealthy (or had previously or currently been married to a guy who was) I'd totally bag her and take half her shit. totally.
Hey y'all -
Glad you all are enjoying my stuff.
As for the ex's motivation - good question. He was definitely meek. He didn't know the guy was there. He just knew that I hadn't been picking up my phone. He was way too good of a guy for me at the time.
I hate to bust everyone else's bubble, but I'm in a committed relationship right now. All of these stories are simply "memoirs." Hence the title.
I like the "cum dumpster" comment. Very creative and classy - kind of counteracts my classlessness. Oh wait...
Thanks for reading! All of this love makes me anxious to write more.
Gil out (oh wait, some other fag signs out like that).
Stay tuned. More to come...
I completely understand your story. Days we live in are like that, I had similar ironic situations. Why be with only 1 person when there r too many potentials out there, people have to explore while young. Rock on ;)
I don't understand why you have a boyfriend if you just want to be a cum-dumpster. Oh well, I'm sure you always do the right thing...
Gil out
i think this is interesting and really well written. so while i might have been kinda mean in the thread with your picture, your writing is real good and intersting, anyone that thinks differently is kinda crazy.
the story, which im SURE couldve been longer and included way more exposition, was still really good in this toned down compact form. when you tell it amongst friends, im sure there are WAY more details....
what pixies songs were on BTW?...HEY? Ive Been Tired? Gigantic? There Goes My Gun?
I thought it was well written, not too long, and not slutty enough. Maybe you can put 1/2 of the text behind the fold to satisfy people who don't want to read a lot, but it's not bad. A few more specific details about the encounter would be appreciated. Also, why did the boyfriend just kind of leave? Is he that meek or did he really sense something was up? I didn't quite get his motivation. Thanks.
EXACTLY!!! TOO MUCH READING!!! TOO MUCH SLUT!!! I DONT CARE!!!
fuck man why are you assuming we want to hear about how fuckin slutty you are, which by the way, you are REALLY fuckin slutty.
you might be an 'amateur' right now but by the sounds of things it won't take you long to become a true pro
too much reading