What Really Happened To Natalee Holloway?

A recent commenter has officially cracked the case. Erin writes,

My theory is that Natalee was with those three guys and after getting drunk with the guys, Natalee went to the beach. At the beach she had rough unprotected sex with all three guys at once or with one guy at a time. After they all cam inside her they got up and left. Natalee was lying on the beach naked at that point, now too tired and exhausted to move after the gangbang. Later, a great white shark may have appeared out of nowhere and took a bite out of Natalee and pulled her into the ocean. She has probably been killed by now by the shark somewhere in the ocean. No evidence of Natalee has been found because all the blood, sperm and any DNA had been washed into the ocean by the waves after she was killed by the shark. I am very sure this is exactly what happened, nobody can be convicted in this case because their was no evidence. [Erin, Bastardly’s Natalee Holloway Post]

So in a few words, Natalee had lots of sex or was a victim of a brutal gangbang courtesy of three bastards & then a shark ate her thereafter, taking all the evidence with it into the ocean.

Erin, you’re a genius. If you would like to share your personal theory of what transpired the night of her mysterious disappearance, please do so below. This might help the Aruban Police Force to crack the case b/c at the moment it appears that they are too busy patrolling Aruba’s red-light district w/ their pants down.