But with almost 300 shows and a total of roughly 4,000 stories in 2004, a whopping 20 percent were about 10 certain celebs. [Access Hollywood]
Below are Access Hollywood’s most syndicated stars of 2004. The names are followed by our very own Bastardly predictions for the year to come.
1. Zitney - She will give birth to another Federline bastard child & in typical southern fashion be victimized by the horrors of domestic abuse once her precious Kevs cracks.
2. Beyonce - She seriously needs get a hold of her panties & gander at some photos of Jay-Z. Jay-Z resembles Beattlejuice (from Howard Stern), for God’s sake!
3. Donald Trump – He will disappear due to overexposure.
4. Michael Jackson – Will be proven innocent of charges & put those bastardly parents on trial.
5. Tom Cruise – He will finally get tired of leading a double life & come out of the closet (that is the hope every ever new year from Tommie)
6. Jessica Simpson – Newly Weds will be renamed to Newly Divorced & Dukes will most probably flop b/c the world will realize she’s merely a bimbo with big boobies who cannot sing nor act if her life depended on it. She will consider Playboy by Thanksgiving, 2005 (we hope!)
7. Camera-Whore Paris Hilton – Columnists will stop writing about Paris. She will do a fireworks show with all her “ultra-secret” & “hidden” sex videos in a desperate attempt to save her “career.” ‘[Male actors] In Paris’ include: JC-fucking-Chasez, Collin Farrell, Pauly Shore, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, Donald Trump, the entire Executive Board of Warner Brothers (‘Big-ass orgy in Paris’), & certain other surprise acts! Just you wait… [Playboy by Labor Day, 2006]
8. Nicole Kidman – She was ranked 8?! Wow. Good for her!!
9. Jennifer Lopez – She will stop the premium payments on her $1billion insurance policy on her ass b/c she is no more! Only way she can get back into the public eye is through the Sex Video. The Sex Video is more of a marketing technique than anything else. [Playboy by Valentines Day, 2009]
10. Whitney Houston – Didn’t she die of an overdose couple years back?