Justin Timberlake Makes Regretful Decision; Married Jessica Biel

Justin Timberlake

So one piece of news out of this weekend was the vows exchanged by Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel in Puglia, Italy. The couple had been engagement for 10 months and capped it off with a multi-day beach party where the couple flew a few hundred of their friends on a private jet to celebrate. And now that estimated $6.5 million party is done, which we’re assuming was completely paid for by Justin using the majority of his NSYNC savings, you can wipe that smile off a Justin’s face as the honeymoon is over even before it technically begins. This dude should’ve consulted with the likes of George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Derek Jeter, or even John Mayer before setting himself for countless hours of nagging and complaining by Jessica. Come on now, she’s a chick, it doesn’t matter how cool and down-to-earth she might appear in reports or in front of the camera or in her crappy movies, you know she’s got to have her crazy bitch side too. All chicks do.

Given his track record of hot co-stars why would Justin want to set himself up for ambushes by Jessica in future movie sets? Who know if he was able to get a piece of Amanda Seyfried and Olivia Wilde (possibly at the same time) on the set of In Time or if him and Mila Kunis had some extra rehearsals in each other’s trailers for Friends With Benefits, or hell even a few sessions with Amy Adams on the set of Trouble With The Curve, and we’ll go further back and say maybe he felt like eating some Chinese and could’ve banged Brenda Song while filming The Social Network? Even if we never know we can pretty much throw out any of this type of Bastardly speculation given Jessica’s keen eye on her man and his money bags of NSYNC residuals. Can you imagine the stress he’s going to go through looking over his back for an untrusting minimal-acting gigs wife making surprise visits to the set while he tries to do his work? Given that his career is more likely to keep stable then hers, you can bet there’ll be some unappreciativeness and ridiulous expectations from her when it comes to keeping their A-list lifestyle.

Justin could be living the Leo life and hook up with supermodel after supermodel; we’re sure he could’ve lined a few up following his perfomance at the 2009 VS Fashion Show but nope, he’s stuck with Jessica and whatever diseases she might have picked up from the King of New York, Derek Jeter, remember they dated before Justin got in there. Anyway, all we’re saying is that Justin, marriage to even the hottest chick in the world is a big mistake. You’re young and rich and could stand to wait until after you’ve banged your way through every supermodel to barely legal aspiring actress in every country of every race before even considering settling down, and once you get to that point, go across the globe and do the same things again.

So in today’s Gallery, we pay tribute to photos of Justin Timberlake smiling because we know those days will be far and few if not likely gone forever with this unfortunate decision he’s made. May a higher power have mercy on your soul. Let’s hope Jessica doesn’t wipe you out completely of your money and manhood. The fairy tale of rainbows and unicorns definitely evaporated once you said “I do”, if not when you wasted all money on that (never going to be big, nice, or expensive enough) rock on Jessica’s finger.

  • I can’t believe all the hating on Jessica. I’ve seen her in several movies and she was as good as most actresses. Her scene with Freddie Prince Jr. in Summer Catch when she was in the red bikini is iconic. I don’t find her boring. I think she just doesn’t care about all the phony fame crap. She seems to be more of a regular woman who just happens to have one of the most spectacular bodies in history. As pointed out earlier, she is an adventurous girl and in fantastic shape as she climbed Mt Kilimanjaro.

  • Moe

    oh man, what the fuck did justin do?

    Maybe he needed painful inspiration for a new album?

    I give him 36 months tops.

  • I have heard all the clichés about not wanting steak and lobster every night and that regardless of how beautiful the woman is somebody is tired of her etc. I just can’t imagine trading down from Jessica however. Not only is she one of the sexiest women on the planet, she has a body that will age very well. I would never get tired of that booty. She will still be a sexual Goddess in 15 years.

    • Moe

      regrettable comment of the weekend: “She will still be a sexual Goddess in 15 years.”

      • iambastard

        A full on rant about Justin Timberlake’s marriage being a mistake. Useless post with too many spelling errors. Almost as bad as Abba’s predictable, Oscar dickriding reviews. Bastardly has become Moejackson in essence.

        Also, that ass!

  • Nookies

    Meh, she seems bitchy and pretentious to me. Her body would allow her to get away with it for about a week. Then I would be tired of banging her. Then discard and upgrade. Thats how I roll.

    • McP

      She seems the opposite, frequently photographed in sweats without makeup, often walking her muttly dog.

  • bryanzee

    she’s like the pinnacle of nice asses, anything bigger would be nasty. She represents the size , feel and shape that women should want.

    being able to tell people your wife has the best body in the biz and it actually be true is quite an accomplishment.

    I salute you Justin.

  • grgecdnbastard

    I could go for JT’s sloppy seconds.

  • i think she understands him, since he was a child star and she was too they probably are on the same page, plus she doesn’t seem insane, they will have a strong Hollywood marriage, which means divorce in 2027

  • Moe

    It’s funny how nearly 40% ( 38.93) felt J.T. made the right decision in getting hitched.

    Isn’t that the divorce rate? What a coincidence…